Saturday, February 25, 2012

Letting Go

Letting go (even temporarily) of something you love is one of the most painful things you can ever imagine. I've been through quite a number of things that hurt physically and I tell you the emotional pains hurt 100x worse. All you can do is pray to whatever god(s) you pray to, hope with every fiber of your heart, body & soul and do everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) in your power to chase what you love to the very ends of the Earth and beyond.

Afterall, how can I afford not to?

One of the most important things about being a pilot is having sound judgement and knowing that YOU are number one. It doesn't matter what your instructor or what the tower says - if YOU don't feel safe and comfortable, then that is what ultimately matters. (Now later on, when you have passengers in the plane, then their comfort becomes your main priority).

Still no word on the window. I stopped by the school on Monday. Still no word as of 2pm. I talked with Obi-Wan and he had me sign a statement about what happened. He said the matter should be settled, but no official word yet. I'm holding out until I get something in writing. Still nothing (besides an "everything should be ok" response) as of 4:42pm today.

I went back and forth all week if I was going to continue at the school. I talked with Obi- Wan on Monday about it and he said it was still pre-20 hour jitters. He also said that Bambi talked about me and said that I got mad whenever I did an average job. She said I was never happy unless I was above average. (Rightly so...) So, Obi-Wan said I had high expectations, so I expected everyone else to measure up to those. (As a flight school, you should, right? I mean... who wants to be known as an "average" flight school?) So I (regrettably) walked away...

I wrestled with the decision all week and finally waited too long, so I had a lesson today. It's hard being torn between loving to flying and hating the school. I think I hesitated so much because I didn't want ANOTHER long break from flying.

My flight was at 9am. On my way there, Tyson texted me: winds were high (they were 8kts when I left), so our flight was delayed until 10. I was over halfway there, so I continued. The airport is one of my favorite places. I just sat and watched the planes for a bit. Got some studying in too!

10am rolls around and someone opens the flight school. I walk in, but Tyson hadn't arrived yet. He texted me at 10:05. Told me he had been stuck in traffic for over an hour and would be there when he could. He finally arrived at 10:45. He had another student scheduled at 11am, so we both had our ground lesson together. All the while, we're watching another instructor take his students up. Tyson told us that the other instructor shouldn't be doing that, especially for intro rides.

Tomorrow was supposed to be beautiful though and I once again went back and forth about leaving. I haven't flown in 4 weeks and I really, really wanted to go (really). So it comes time to leave and I resolve to leave after tomorrow's lesson. I make sure we're on the schedule and go to leave. Tyson tells me to wait when I'm on my way out the door. Turns out he has a checkride scheduled at the same time as my lesson and he'll text me tomorrow to see if I'm free in the afternoon.

Now usually, I put aviation first and drop everything else. I had plans with a friend tomorrow (but not at a specific time) and told him I couldn't go in the afternoon. At this point, I told him I needed to talk to him and told him that things weren't working for me. He said he understood and that was it.

I told myself not to cry and tried telling myself I did the right thing on the way home. It worked until I got home and talked to my mom. I cried like I had lost my best friend. She told me that she was proud of me and that I had done the right thing. She said it was a good judgement call on my part and I was looking out for me. I tried to think of it that way, but my heart just feels so heavy. I'm sure later I will appreciate it - just for right now, I am not very happy. I know that school wasn't right for me, and I know the instructors weren't right for me, but I know that flying IS right for me. It's just so hard to walk away from something you love with all of your soul, even for a second.

It comforts me somewhat that at least I have a plan in mind. (At least a general plan, anyways) In addition to finding a new flight school, I think I need to bury my nose into my flight books and get the written test out of the way and REALLY push that pedal to the metal. Give myself a deadline or something to push myself. Then, I have 3 flight schools in mind. I need to get together all of my old questions, add new questions I have and really drill those schools HARD. Then find the one I like the most, find an instructor and drill them HARD (I feel sooo sorry for the next instructor! haha

I was thinking of going next weekend to check out some schools, but my mom suggested that maybe I stop by tomorrow. It might be better to catch them off-guard and if in the case they are too busy, then to schedule a meeting then. And I need to call the person in charge of the nearby Civil Air Patrol to see if I can drop by this week. I'm NOT giving up. This is mine - I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Aviation is apart of me.

It's odd. I started by a mild interest in aviation. Then I went to thinking that maybe I could walk away after my intro flight and only be mildly sad. Now I've been disappointed by the majority of my experience thus far, yet resolved that this "letting go" will NOT turn into walking away completely. Funny how having a mere "mild interest" will do that to you...

Sunday, February 19, 2012

I guess weather blues are better than broken window blues...

Overcast clouds at 700 feet this morning with visibility of 2.5 miles. Needless to say, lesson cancelled. Can't say I'm surprised - I had expected this yesterday. I must say I am (and my bank account is) a little relieved, especially if I have to end up paying for that window... No word yet.

Might I emphasize the ungodly amount of frustration again?

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Non-weather frustrations

I've said before (I think I have anyways) to be prepared for the worst kind of frustration you have ever experienced when it comes to flying. I've never in my life felt this level of frustration. Now, part of it is my fault. You are going to have frustrations regardless because of weather, but don't let the flight school you choose add to that frustration. That's where my fault lies. I've given this school wayyyyyyy too many chances and they have only added to my overall growing frustration.

Woke up this morning and skies were clear with wind at 4 knots. I was relieved because I had heard there would be storms all weekend. Considering I've been chomping at the bit for the last two weeks, this was a welcomed surprise.

The clouds began closing in on my way to the airport. No, no, no, no, no, NO! Not yet... just gimme two hours, please?!?! I need to go fly!

The weather behaved itself and I got started on the pre-flight. My instructor told me to go ahead and he'd bring the paperwork later. Halfway through, my instructor comes out and tells me we are switching planes. He does the pre-flight because we are running out of time and he wants to make sure the students in the afternoon have a chance to fly, so we need to hurry.

I'm not comfy letting him take over. It's my job to make sure that plane is airworthy, afterall. I start to go behind him and let him know it's not because I don't trust him, but would like to do it. He says there's no time and we need to go. So I at least ask about how much gas we have available. The last plane I was in the process of pre-flighting only had 1/4 of a tank. I wanted to know if I had to fill up this one too.

He laughs (not meanly, but "oh, isn't that cute?" sort of laugh) and says it's fine because he just checked it. I told him that I knew he did, but I was just making sure because as the Pilot in Command (PIC), I should know these things. To which he said I was correct and then quipped "Going to ask me about the oil levels too?". More rhetorical than anything, but again, as PIC, it's something I should know. So I said, "As a matter of fact... yes." Not cheeky, not talking back, just need to know. He laughed again and said we were at 5 quarts.

We take off... and granted faster than I would have liked. Rushing is NEVER good. NEVER. It's not the end of the world if the person behind you gets delayed - DO NOT put your safety at risk. And if there is a need to rush, then it's probably better to cancel the lesson altogether.

So we taxi out, radios handled beautifully (and the tower guy was REALLY cheerful - made me smile), and did the pre-take off check. Everything looks great. We have a little window in the canopy to circulation, and to yell out of (if need be). I had mine open and went to close it. It was broken so it was difficult to close. No big deal - report it when we land. My instructor told me to use both hands to close it because it was soooo difficult! We both saw it close completely and we were off.

During takeoff, my instructor tells me that he has a really bad headache and is naseous. Not good. I jokingly check to see how he is - "Not going to throw up in my plane, are you?" and he said he wasn't, but his head just hurt. That unsettled me a little... and even moreso when I got back on the ground. I mean, I've been prepared to fly with a headache before, even though I really shouldn't. But I justify it (not that it makes it right) by saying that if I got into trouble, at least my instructor would be there to take over if need be. Headaches slow your reaction time and impair your judgement. Now him flying with a headache is even worse. If I got into trouble, he may not be able to react as quickly or his judgement might be off. Not good.  For either of us.

Anyways, we're taking off. I concentrate really, really hard - trying to put into practice what I've studied so hard lately. (I've been doing touch & goes in my office at lunch - chair flying) Doing well so far and we get parallel to the runway. All of sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see a fluttering and feel a draft - the window is gone. I mention it to him and he utters an expletive. I'm not entirely worried because during the summer, we fly with that thing open all the time (no AC in the plane). But he makes me stop and we land the plane.

On the ground, he tells me that the little tiny window costs $500 to replace and unfortunately, because the person ahead of me didn't record that it was broken, it looks like I'm responsible. He called the main office guy and explained what happened. He told him that it was already broken, and stuck when I tried to close it. Fortunately he was there to tell them that I didn't touch it after that and even though it has a safety latch on it (which SHOULD make it fall into the plane in the off-chance of this ever happening, which is shouldn't), it fell out of the plane.

So now I'm frustrated, grouchy, worrying about if I'm going to have to pay this $500 to get this fixed (ruling comes MONDAY!! gahhh!!!)  and once again thinking about switching schools. I know, I know - I keep going back & forth on this. My mom even said to me today, "Don't you think it's time to switch schools?!?! How many signs do you need??". If they make me pay it,  I will, but that will finish my time with them. I realize they have to pay for their planes and repairs, but it was a freak accident. NOTHING I could have done could have prevented it (safe switching planes when I first saw it) and NOTHING I did caused it.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Weather Blues, pt. 2000

Winds started off at 16 knots, and with clear blue skies. I got ready to leave for my flight and wind increased to 22 knots with high turbulence. Lesson cancelled for the 4th time in a row. :(

Saturday, February 11, 2012

More weather blues

Overcast with winds at 22 knots. No flight today. Three cancellations in a row. Tomorrow's looking better though.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Weather Frustrations

Just want you guys to get a sense of how many lessons get cancelled due to weather and just how frustrating weather can be, so I'm going to start posting when a flight lesson gets cancelled.

Yesterday, I expected not to go flying, due to storms. 7:30am - overcast and 100% cloud cover. Lesson cancelled. Patches of blue sky opened up around 11am and it was a pretty day for about an hour or two before going overcast and stormy for the rest of the day.

6am Sunday - overcast AGAIN, lesson cancelled AGAIN. 11am - big patches of blue sky opened up and it's been a nice day ever since (it's 4:30 now). I swear the weather was mocking me this weekend.