3rd flight - first bad one

So I've just come back from my flight tonight. Spent the whole day watching the weather and was quite convinced the flight was going to be canceled yet once again. It was overcasty all day and even started raining this afternoon. I wouldn't let myself get excited. No way - not after last time. I was so psyched up, wound up and excited and came down like a lead balloon when the flight was canceled. I knew that I can't keep that up - am going to go insane with all those up and downs. Gotta get a handle on my emotions, so wasn't letting myself get excited this time.

But just like last time, the weather turned on a dime. An hour before leaving work, patches of blue sky broke up the clouds. I kept checking my phone obsessively - NO CALL. I was out the door of my office when the clock hit 5 and ran all the way to my car. I kept my hand on my phone, expecting it to buzz with a message or something, but nothing happened.

I drove fast all the way home. I bounced up to my front door and took care of my animals in the blink of an eye. I changed quickly, got my bag together and flounced out the door. Had already packed an extra sandwich in my lunchbag this morning, just in case and ate that while driving to the airport.

Had a new flight bag and headset that a friend let me borrow, had on my new "Future Pilot" t-shirt, had my check lists. Basically, was ready to rock. Turned up the dance music and car danced on the way there like I was heading to a party. Needed to psyche myself up because I hadn't been in that mindset all day. In retrospect, the car ride over there is a little late to be doing that. I need to approach each lesson like it's going to happen, even though that will hurt more if the lesson gets canceled. Better to be prepared (for flying anyways, maybe not so much for my sanity).

I get to the airport, get my bag, take a deep breath and head inside. Oh yeah... traffic was a little bad, so I arrived at the airport 5 minutes before my lesson.

I get inside the school and my instructor is finishing up with another guy. No biggie. Will give me time to look over a few things and maybe run to the bathroom, since I didn't get a chance earlier running from work to home to the airport.

I take out my procedures book and review take off and landings. Gonna still grease that landing. 10 minutes go by. She finally comes in to apologize that they are running behind and will be with me shortly. I take this opportunity to ask where the bathroom is. I go, come back and review some more. Another 10 minutes. She finally tells the guy that she has to go for me and comes into the room.

We go over some stuff (quickly! because we are now running behind) and go outside to the do the pre-flight check. This time, the plane had a blue streak on it. I had a feeling this plane would have blue on it (blue's my favorite color). The pre-flight was interesting because she made me get out my checklist and basically stood back and let me do it myself. I rememebered most all of it from the last two times up. Was great finally doing it for myself.

Disconcerned me a little that there were some red flags that popped up by she disregarded them. One of the lights on the wings was out, but she said they were used for night flying only and it didn't matter. Then I check to see if the tires were bald and one of them had a bald spot. She said it wasn't bad and to ignore it.

We get in the plane and she has me going over the other check lists. I read out each thing and get to press the buttons. We start the engine and start rolling. She said she'd let me taxi, so I did. Not as good as last time. Took some getting used to again. Finally, we get into position to take off... and she does it. :(

I watch the ground drop away from us - amazing, still, to be sure... but no magical feeling. We get into the air... and practice turns. Are you kidding me? I've done these to death... Had trouble connecting with the plane though. It felt...odd. Like a bucking broncho. And not so much the wind or anything... it was just the plane. Felt very much like a "guy" plane.

So we don't practice anything like we're supposed to. Just stalls, ascents and descents. Just like in the first lesson. Yawn. And quit talking to me like this is my first lesson.

But something felt off. I was very nervous this time up. Moreso than my first time up. Maybe it was that I wasn't anticipating going up today. All I know was that when I landed, I was shaking. Wasn't relieved to land like the first time, but shaking nonetheless. And by the way, she landed the plane. Didn't even let me try. Discouraging to say the least. My mom says that maybe she felt I was nervous and that made her nervous, so of course she wasn't going to let me land.

I taxiied on the way back. Did a little bit better than on the way up. We jumped out and she asked me how it was. So I told her - told her how uneasy I was and how the plane felt off. She asked if it was her and I honestly said that I wasn't sure, but thought it was many different factors.

We set up to go up again on Saturday. I nearly left that place in tears. She said it wasn't a bad flight at all - it was my 3rd time up and she doesn't expect perfection just yet. I was right on track where I should be.

I'll admit I had that horrible thought - that maybe this wasn't for me. Not ashamed to admit I had a self pep-talk in the car. If this wasn't for me, then there's no way I'd schedule another flight, especially after having a bad one. If this wasn't for me, there's no way I'd go up again and again and again, despite being as afraid as I was. If this wasn't for me, then there's no way I'd get so excited about aviation.

So today's flight is over - let it go. Gear up for the next one, afterall I have less than 48 hours to go. Gotta shake the bad feelings from this one (no matter how hard that is to do). Get psyched up, even though t-storms are planned for Saturday. Review, review, review. And get back out there. In aviation, maintaining a good attitude is everything.

Besides, like I was told today - any flight you land safely is a good flight.