Radioactive

I was excitedly nervous all of yesterday in anticipation of my first official night on the radios at the CAP meeting. As the day progressed, I became more and more hyper.

I also began to think how my buddies would all congratulate me for the new Observer rating and a knot began to form in my stomach. I emailed the pilot I flew with, thanked him for his time and said that I didn't want to insult him, but that I just didn't feel comfortable accepting the rating yet. One of the hardest emails I've ever had to write. Everyone here knows how much I want that rating and it caused my emotions to conflict to nearly have it in my grasp, only to hand it back. I knew I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if I didn't tell them I wasn't ready for it. Like I told the pilot (and think I wrote here), I'd rather be an asset rather than a liability.

With both of these issues at the forefront of my mind, I went to the meeting early to set up everything on the radios. One of my buddies had already set everything up for me and tested it. I licked my lips nervously and focused on the radio room.

The pilot I flew with found me and asked to talk with me. The knot in my stomach tightened. Not now, dude, I gotta get mentally prepped for the radios. He said he respected my opinion that I didn't think I deserved the rating, but how he wouldn't have signed me off if he didn't think I could do it. Unfortunately, this squadron already recognized it. However, it wasn't on the website yet officially and I didn't have the wings printed on my shirt yet. So what we were going to do is take a few more flights (at my expense, but that's okay) to get me ready to my liking and before any potential real missions come up. He said he didn't know why I didn't think I was ready - that he had flown with people who have had their ratings for years and I did much better than any of them. So he told me not to worry and we'd work on it.

Good - one task down. I refocused on the radio room and walked in alone, which momentarily caused me to freeze. One deep breath, and I silently reminded myself that someone was going to sit with me. I wasn't going to be alone. I can do this. I can do this.

Another member arrived. My ears perked up at hearing her say, "Communications". I poked my head out and asked if she was running comm too. She looked more nervous than I did and said she was just here to train, but didn't know about it. I laughed, and told her it was my first night on the radios. What a team, huh? Fortunately, the main guy showed up and sat in the back, ready to jump in if I needed it.

We got out the script and I asked questions before going live. My eyes kept nervously flicking to the clock and the sound of each second ticking by was deafening. Finally, 7:15 - show time.

I hit the button and followed along on the script, silently reminding myself to try to go slow (and not to suck all of the air out of the room). Reading the script was easy. It got more complicated when people would call back in. I turned to the main guy on more than one occasion - "What do I say to that?!?!". LOL I was feverishly writing down what they told me too. After awhile, he said that it may help to have the other woman training to write down everything and I just handle the radios. He said we should switch off too and she shook her head with a firm "NUH-UH!". haha

Now, basically all I'm doing is setting up so other stations can call and check in. Usually we run one of these on our meeting nights and we have to check in to the other two. Well, I hit the lottery and I had to set up 3 check-in sessions! The guy watching me said it was a hard night to be scheduled on, although I thought that having 3 was good practice even if it seemed like a lot. I got more and more comfortable with each session.

At one point, he tells me that I don't need to worry so much about terminology and be so formal all the time; I can also be friendly by saying "hello" or "good evening" too. So I threw a couple of those in. By the time I was doing the 3rd time through, I felt like a radio DJ by adding inflection so it didn't sound like I was just reading and being friendly to everyone else on the channel.

A few stumbles, a few messing up on terminology, but not too bad.

I wrapped up by checking into a repeater, which was pretty easy and that was it - I was done! I was feeling pretty good about everything when the guy (who didn't have to lift a finger during my time on the radios) says to me that I did a really good job! He said that he's never seen anyone do so well on their first time (Thank you to Auntie for showing me the ropes a few weeks ago!)  and how I felt more comfortable as time went on. The other woman training with me said I sounded clear & smooth, spoke neither too fast nor too slow, had good volume, and was articulate. BOO. YAH.

Walking out of the radio room absolutely on Cloud Niner (haha), I couldn't wait to celebrate with everyone. It was quite a big deal for me. I was smiling ear to ear and greeted everyone enthusiastically. Once again though, I was pulled aside from one of the higher ups. Oh no, here we go... are we gonna rehash the Observer thing again? Please don't tell me I'm wrong...

No, he didn't want to talk about that. Apparently someone told him that another member was going after me and telling me he'd put me on a 'no-fly' list. Umm, that's news to me. He was concerned that the other guy was picking on me. I told him that it wasn't the case and the other member had been nothing but nice to me. He looked puzzled, but thanked me for my time and let me go. Seems they have lots of problems with this other member and even though I said everything was cool, they took him aside and basically gave him a "Don't you dare harm a hair on her head or tell her she can't fly or you are gone" speech. I felt a little bad, as nothing like that happened. Although makes me wonder if maybe it was said behind my back? I don't know...  However, it was kind of nice that I had people looking out for me, I guess.

So we went out for drinks after again and it was good to spend time with me. As cool as working on the radios was, it keeps you isolated from everyone else for a little bit.

On the way home, I turned up every dance song I heard and cruised all the way home. Nothing like doing well on something that once made you nervous. I'm still riding my high today and tried explaining my happiness to my co-workers, but they just don't seem to understand it. I can't wait until I go on the radios again!!! <3

The PDK SAREX

Today was an overall great day. I arrived at the SAREX (search & rescue exercise) bright and early. Everyone was happy to see me. I even ran into an old buddy from my last squadron.

The objective was to show me as much as possible, including flight crew stuff AND mission based stuff. I always wanted to be trained in both - the more skills the better, amirite? But Merlin never wanted me to as he thought it took away from my main task. The qualifications to be Mission Base Assistant are minimal, and I could actually get those done while I'm sitting waiting on a flight. Only one or two teams go up at a time and if I just so happen not to be on one of those teams at a particular time, then why not try to make things run as smoothly on the ground as possible, too? I help them out and I'm not just bored, sitting there like a bump on a log = win/win.

So from the get-go, I'm suddenly popular and everyone wants me to come with them so they can teach me something new. Awesomesauce.

The mission today was power-off. Meaning something occurred and there was no power, no cell phones and we had to get creative with the radios. A group went out to the far side of the runway to set up a make-shift tower. They said if you weren't busy to come join them and it was like putting together legos. I made a mental note to join them if I wasn't in one of the first flight crews called up.

I wasn't... but I was called away to do safety checks on the plane. Usually a Mission Pilot job, but since that's my ultimate goal, they figured it was time well spent. Also, it's a good thing to know for Mission Observer.

Winds were high today, sometimes gusting to 30 knots! I walked down the flight line, trying to not fly away myself and saw a variety of planes - jets, military jets, and biplanes. I smiled and sighed happily; I <3 PDK. We've been separated far too long, my friend.

Another member and I start doing safety checks on one of the planes that will be flown today. Halfway through, someone else walks out to find me - I've been called for a flight crew. They need a Mission Observer who can operate the G1000. Now hold on, guys... let's not get hasty... I know of the G1000 and have flown in planes with it before, but I'm not proficient... Besides, it's been like 2 months since I've done ANY Mission Observer training and I'm shaky at best... Can't I ride as Mission Scanner to watch the Observer?

No Mission Scanner on this flight and the pilot supposedly doesn't know the G1000 well and needs help. Holy crap, I'm certainly not the person you need then...

Alarm bells go off in my head. I look at the pilot I'm suppose to fly with and my legs buckle - the familiar feeling that happens when I don't trust the person enough to fly with them. Wind reports are coming in left and right - 20 knot crosswind and we're not supposed to go up higher than 15 knots, and that's even a high threshold. I sigh with relief - they are going to call it. Thank god. The pilot has packed up his things and is ready to go - wait, what? No no no no... "Well, if they wind is coming from 090, then we'll go on the other runway."  So in the plane we go.

Traffic was insane at the airport and we had to wait 30 minutes before takeoff. The line ahead of us included a Cirrus, a Gulfstream, a Piper, a Cessna and a Biplane. During run-up, the engine cylinder temp gauge was running high and when the pilot tested the magnetos, the left one ran really rough. He said we might have to turn back if he can't get it to smooth out and messed with it by leaning out the mixture to run out all of the carbon. We were sitting there awhile for take-off and he was able to get it running smoothly.

We took off and everything was fine. I kicked myself for flying in an airplane where I didn't feel safe and the alarm bells went off in my head, but I guess it was just nerves and lack of confidence from all the crap before. How are you supposed to tell the difference?!?!

Anyways, we had this 60 lb thing in the back seat that I had to help hook up and activate from the front panel with all the other gadgets I have to operate. It was called a "Repeater" and it helped broadcast a signal all across the state, even to Tennessee if we were high enough. If power goes out and communications are down, this device helps radio communications. Basically, our plane was acting like a big antenna in the sky. We had to go up to 5,500 ft and just fly in circles. Once we got everything set up, there wasn't much to do but look out at the pretty scenery (Lake Lanier!) and just listen on the radio. I communicated with them at first, but after, they didn't need us much at all. I could hear them over the radio and monitored them. At one point, they couldn't hear each other and I could just hear the ground communications. They told me after that I should have tried to relay between the other plane and the ground, but I didn't even know how to go about doing that if no one could hear the other plane. I guess you'd agree on another frequency with the other plane ahead of time or something. It's okay - they said that's why they run this exercise; to find out what you need to work on before a real emergency.

Seemed a little boring to fly around in circles and just monitor the radio waves. I wanted to look out the window for targets. But this is considered one of the most important because everyone is relying on you to communicate. Another plane came into the grid later and we had to switch off. Timing had to be perfect in order to do it and we did it successfully.

By the way, all the communications between the ground and our plane had to be done by me. The pilot was on one frequency with ATC (Air Traffic Control) and then when we left the airport, he was on another frequency with Flight Following, because the traffic was so busy and they helped us keep an eye out for them. There was no way he could be on the ground frequency, too, so it was all me. In fact, he couldn't hear what they were saying to me and what I was saying to them. We had to split it because it would be too distracting to him.

I still heard Merlin's voice in my head - "Isn't there something you should be doing right now?!?!" and my fingers moved all over panel. The pilot seemed content on doing his own stuff on his panel, but I asked him what I could help him set up anyways. Merlin always said it was the pilot's job to fly the plane and the Observer had to set up everything else.

Best part about the flight? Gaining confidence to go back in a plane again. Not to mention, I have a few more tasks signed off for my rating, too.

I got back and talked with my buddy from the previous squadron. He asked what I was up to these days and I went into it a little bit, but not much. Told him I was thinking of transferring. He asked about flight training and I laughed sadly, saying I was on a "break". He seemed to clue in after that and knew who my instructor had been. He asked me about my experience and I said "I take the 5th". haha He thought that was funny, but I said I didn't want to say anything bad, but... *shrug*. He understood. Then he said that Merlin was a "nice guy, a great pilot and really smart, but his Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality just ruins it". I've never heard it put better than that. Very, very true. He said he heard some rumors about him and without elaborating, asked me if I was okay. I got what he was alluding to and Merlin never hurt me *that* way... I became sad again. Why are you like that, Merlin?? When things were great, they were awesome. Before I left for Oshkosh, you were like a brother to me. And after... you just became so jealous with Oshkosh and aerobatics... I wish things were different. We could have had so much fun flying together.

But the sucker punch came when he said: "Good thing for Georgia that he's gone, right?".

You could have pushed me over with a feather. Gone??? What do you mean 'gone'??  Apparently, he just disappeared a few weeks ago. Just POOF! gone. His online record started listing a squadron in North Carolina as his new home base. Gone, just like that...  I'm stunned; I don't know what to think. I'm numb, actually. I guess I'm an idiot, but I had a scenario in my head that he came to me to apologize and we talked everything out like that heart-to-heart we had before. It took some work, but we were able to patch things up and he fixed his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde complex, so we were able to fly together again. And then all of the animals joined hands while singing "Kumbayah". Yeah... too bad this isn't a Disney movie, right?

I'm sure it's because I never actually got closure and that's what I'm looking for. Now it's pretty much a certainty that I won't get it... at least from him. I'll have to do that on my own.

Wish today didn't end on a really sucky note because it was great overall. I still have a few more tasks I need to get signed off for my rating of Mission Observer. I need to be in a plane that has a VOR and DME (VHF Omnidirectional Range and Distance Measuring Equipment), which our plane didn't have today. Also need to set up a few more searches that weren't called for in today's simulated mission. And that's all. The only reason that I didn't get completely signed off today was that we didn't have the equipment available or the searches I needed weren't needed. That's all. So that's a pretty good feeling. My old squadron is having a SAREX on December 1st and 2nd. Considering Merlin's gone, I may check to see if the Commander is gone too. If so, I may join them just to get everything signed off.

Debating on trying to trudge through some more videos on weather tonight or to just crash early...

The PDK CAP Meeting

I'm happy to say that tonight's meeting was a success! :)

The meeting started off with promoting members that obtained a new ranking, then announcements about how they were setting up a rotating schedule about who was on call for missions and placing members in aircrew teams, then a safety briefing (a REAL one!) and then the main presentation was a guest speaker who was the head of the police safety division to talk about safety/preparedness.

All of that only took about an hour and they operated like a well-oiled machine. About 30 members were there; two being women. They still had rankings and such, but there a few guys in leadership roles and they all worked together. The main commander of the group gave the talk on safety, based on his experiences in the military.

A couple of things I took away from his talk (which were very timely, I might add):

1) If you EVER don't feel safe enough to go in an airplane...for whatever reason, trust that reason and politely say no. They will understand.

2) Another one had to do with leaving the last squadron I was in and I don't remember how... guh, I'm tired! But something that made me smile and think how I made the right decision.

The guest speaker was neat too. He mentioned how everyone needed to be prepared for an emergency and especially people my age were really unprepared because they never thought anything could happen to them and weren't prepared for it.

I recognized some guys from past SAREX's and from air shows. I stayed after to meet the people I had been emailing and other people wanted to meet me too. My last squadron, mostly everyone ignored me, although some would say hi... and only one really took an interest in me... and we all know how that turned out.

Mostly everyone here wanted to shake my hand and talk with me. I shook one guy's hand and sort of recognized him. I asked if he was at a SAREX I was apart of and he answered that he was... and other events we had been too together and he knew of me very well. I helped put away some chairs and one of the guys who got promoted started talking with me. They all went out for drinks after the meetings and he invited me to come with. I declined, not being the drinking type and was just visiting the squadron anyways. He insisted, so I spent the next hour hanging out with them and chatting. The commander even joined in. He said they were friends outside the squadron too because they worked so hard together inside the squadron.

At the table, they kept telling each other to try and recruit me harder. Then we finished the evening with shaking hands and "I hope you stay", "So you are staying right?", "Come back soon!", "Please consider joining, we'll have so much fun!", etc...

In the last squadron, I was all gung-ho about joining from the get-go and no one really said that to me. Pleasantries were exchanged, but no begging for me to join. It was basically "you'll either join or you won't" sort of attitude. Once I remember, Merlin chased a new guy out. Told him that if he was already set on staying, then there was really no need for him to stay during the meeting. He should only stay during that particular meeting if he wasn't sure about staying. That's not very welcoming.

I told them I'd definitely come back and I will. But I sat around that table, watching them all have fun... and I did join in a little, but I'm still a little shy at this stage... and I remember how much fun I had with the people I met at my last squadron and started missing them a little. The commander says they are all like family and it looks like it. I still can't help having reservations.

They are running a SAREX this weekend and invited me to join. I haven't trained as Observer in a looong time. Probably since the last SAREX my squadron had, actually. A month ago? Two months ago? I don't know...

I hesitated and told them how I hadn't trained as an Observer for quite some time and had forgotten a lot of it. They said that's why they constantly train and that's what this exercise is for. I'm just used to Merlin telling me I had to be 1000% proficient before doing something like this or I'd embarrass him.

There are some CFI's in this squadron and they all let me know that they'd train me (outside of CAP) at a reduced rate or even free. All I had to do was tell them I was looking for a CFI. I hate it, but I'm not quite ready. I'd like to study on my own for a little bit more. Maybe I'm a little shell-shocked still, who knows...

Oh yeah... that's another thing I learned tonight - not aviation related, but missing someone(s) doesn't mean you want to go back or want them back. It's just that - missing someone. Maybe missing a time that person represented. And it's okay to miss them, to miss that time... just as long as you aren't looking back and trying to move forward.

OH! Now I remember the 2nd thing he brought up during the safety briefing. I knew I'd remember if I just started typing and tried not to remember it - It's okay to fall sometimes and it's perfectly okay to fail. The more times you fall and fail only indicate your willingness to try. After failing/falling, mourn for a little bit/take some time off if you have to, but get right back up again and try again. I thought it was very timely for now.

In one of my favorite movies of all time, Angels in the Outfield (1994 version), there's a line that Danny Glover says:

"You can't go through life thinking everyone you meet will one day let you down."

So here's to letting in the new and saying goodbye to the old. I'll go to another meeting or two, talk with the commander (perhaps asking pointe blank if there's any drama) and consider going to the SAREX this weekend. They seem nice, well-organized and well worth my time. I'm really glad this meeting went well. Really, really glad.

Under the Weather

I'm on chapter 18 out of the videos. This particular chapter is on weather and as interesting as it is, the information is a little denser and it's been taking me about 30-40 minutes to go through an 8 minute video. As a result of pause to copy down notes and rewind to catch what I've missed.

I never knew you could take temperature and dew point to find out the base of the clouds. That's kind of cool. I honestly didn't quite know what dew point was for before this lesson. haha

"For the water vapor in the air to condense, the air must first cool to the dew point. The temperature at which the air must be cooled in order for the air to become saturated is the dew point." 

I ran a 5k on Saturday and took two naps after. Rolled down a hill to act like a little goober kid and didn't stop to think how that would affect my inner ear problem. Spent all day after recouping. As of tomorrow, I'll have two weeks left of this medication. My stomach has gotten more used to it, but I'm craving a delectable pizza with gooey cheese all over it about now (can't have dairy/calcium right now). And I'd really like to go outside without being afraid to burn (medicine also makes me more sensitive to light).

Above all, I want my ear to get better so I can go flying. Needless to say not only is flying off the radar, but aerobatic flying especially.

My meeting with the new CAP group is tomorrow and I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm excited and quite hopeful about it. Hoping RJ will be there too, but am not sure he will be.

There's going to be a guest speaker in December at Dobbins AFB who trained at Top Gun (Yes, THE Top Gun!!!) and was an F-16. I'm SUPER excited to hear him talk!!!!

Anyways, wish I could say I'd finish up 18 tomorrow night, but as slow as it's going, I'm not sure. But I'm at 18!!! Out of 20!!! And it's taking a bit longer than I'd like... but I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.

Moving Forward

Finished up lesson 16 tonight by the absolute skin of my teeth. That stupid medicine makes me feel horrible and I knew I only had about an hour to study before I'd start feeling bad. Glad I made it though. This last chapter was on cross country flight planning and I can't wait to get to that part of training! It reminds me soooo much of my trip planning to Oshkosh. :)

I answered 30 practice test questions today at lunch. Was disappointed that I didn't get a 90% ... or even an 80% for that matter. Just need to learn from it and keep moving forward, that's all.

In the near future: Friend's bday party tomorrow night so taking a one-day break from studying, but need to have an early night because of 5k race coming up on Saturday. Tuesday of next week will be the PDK CAP meeting and Thursday of next week will be the EAA meeting. Hope to get in lesson 17 on Saturday, 18 on Sunday, 19 on Monday and finish up 20 by next Wednesday. A little far off from my prediction of finishing up Saturday of this week, but I'm still moving forward. Next will be working out of the textbook when I finish up the videos.

Sorry so short, but this little pilot needs to crash. I hate this medication and I've still got 2 weeks and 5 days of it ahead of me. Blah. :/

Aeronautical Navigation

Talked with my buddy RJ tonight - he's the one considering leaving the squadron for the other one I'm visiting in a couple of weeks. He's in the same boat I am ... or as he says, he was until this past weekend. He's fed up with Merlin, but Merlin hasn't been quite as much of an ass to him.

Merlin's and my email flame war continued until this morning and only stopped after I wrote back, "Sorry, but I'm not going to fight or argue anymore; this is stupid and even stupider through email". He hasn't replied since then.

I was quite moody all day. It's funny (not in a ha-ha sort of way, just ironic) that I avoid romantic relationships because of the ups-and-downs, the pain that comes with it and the messy breakup at the end. This feels like a messy break-up to me. I was in a "relationship" and didn't even know it.

RJ spent today with him and Merlin was asking him all sorts of weird questions, like "have you ever felt in danger around me? Have I ever done anything like that to you?". I laughed and said how in our email flame war, I had told him that I no longer trusted him. He shot back with "Why not, I have a flawless safety record". Dude, a flawless safety record doesn't build trust. RJ said it was well-deserved that I fired back that hard in an email to him and also told him he was part to blame for the problems in the squadron/the incident at the air show two weeks ago.

After I went into more depth, he gasped, "He used you". Yeah... that's what I've been saying. Everyone else too. Merlin denied it in the email, saying how I came forward on my own volition. Yeah, and no one set up the incident to happen - THAT part was an accident. And I did contact higher ups about it, which was what I should have done. But to you, it was serendipitous because it furthered your own agenda. He had been trying to get the commander out all along and what happened to me only pushed it along faster. I told him I was hurt by it, but didn't blame him - as a pilot, you have to do what is best for you being the PIC (pilot in command) and all. I'm aggressive like that towards aviation. I maybe won't throw someone under the bus to get there, but I will get there at all costs. I will do what's best for me to get there.

You know I'm beginning to learn? At first, being the only young female redheaded student in rooms full of older male pilots helped me stick out...in a good way. They were drawn to me and were more than willing to give me all the helped I needed. That's how I ended up with most of the sky brothers I have and during all of this, they have had my back and have assured me they won't let me fall or fail. They constantly compliment me (sometimes too much!) and tell me what a great pilot I am or will be. However, there's another side to all of this - I stick out so much that others who want to hold me down are attracted to me too. Instructors like Harpy and Merlin. They are the people that my sky brothers warn me about. So sticking out in aviation has its advantages and disadvantages.

In study news, I was learning about how to use a flight computer tonight. It looks sooo complicated (just like everything else in aviation)! But it's sooo easy to use and kind of a nifty tool, too! Plus, I'm using the one my mom had when she was training to be a pilot, so it's extra special. :)  Trying to figure out the wind calculations has me a little off-course... but I'll figure it out.

Not quite through chapter 13 in the videos, but almost there. Maybe with a little extra push, I'll be able to get through the rest of 13 and 14 tomorrow night! I know this isn't a race and it's okay if I'm not finished by Saturday, but I'm still going to try.

Weight & Balance

One thing about being a pilot is learning to trust your intuition. It's vital because it could save your life one day. That's true for life as well. Many lessons I've learned in aviation can also be used in life and vice versa.

Archie contacted Merlin, asking him if I could fly with them tomorrow. Merlin wrote back and said he would always fly with me and still wanted to help me in any way he could. I asked him why he deleted me from FB and he said because all of this CAP stuff has been rough on him, so he needs friends he can count on. I apparently wasn't there for him. Bravo Sierra - you deleted me because of aerobatics. Man up and don't lie. I know because he deleted me right after I made a post about flying aerobatics over Thanksgiving.

I exploded. Where the hell were you for me? I told him how upset I was at him using me during the air show situation two weeks ago. He told me I was wrong. No apology, no "I'm sorry you felt that way, but you misinterpreted my intentions". Just "you inferred things that were wrong". He tried calling me, but I wouldn't answer. So he emails back again, telling me he had to counsel other people about this situation. I exploded again. Dude, you realize that you make EVERY situation worse by dragging other people in, right? I told him that this was between us and I was upset we couldn't keep it between us. He didn't reply, but he's got me playing his game through an email flame war. I told him I was walking away and I meant it. I'm not doing this childish little thing anymore.

I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. He deleted me from FB to get a reaction from me and I fell for it. He tried to add me back by the way, but I didn't accept it. I'm contacting Archie in the morning and telling him I'm sorry, but I can't fly with Merlin. I tried, really I did. I tried TOO many times... We're just too different, or too alike.. I'm not sure which.

The commander who was helping me with my transfer has stepped down. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I have no one in my corner. Merlin normally goes after those that cross him.

In other aviation news, I was watching more videos tonight. It's gotten a lot harder - not the material, just finding motivation to watch them. It's taking longer to go through them and is like trudging through mud. Doesn't matter I guess, only as long as I continue to move forward. One of the lessons tonight was about weight & balance. I laughed, remembering trying to learn about this for the first time and how it seemed so hard. It's absolutely nothing now. I could literally do the calculations in my sleep now. So I'm starting now on chapter 13 out of 20. If I get to a chapter a day this week, I can finish by next Saturday. I'm gonna update you guys on my progress. One thing that I really enjoyed with Merlin was constantly updating him on my progress. It added momentum that way.

And minor milestone - this blog has officially hit 1,000 pageviews! Thank you!! :)

Rise

So I lost my clarity after posting the other day. Merlin would not leave me alone and it felt like they were using me to get back at this other guy who confronted me at the air show.

I'm just getting over being sick from all the stress. It's stupid, I know... and I shouldn't let them get to me. But after the initial incident, they just made it worse for me. My mom asked if I regretted what I did - writing them emails about what happened - and I said no. I did the right thing, but what I regret it those guys using me to get the other guy out. They were thrilled when it happened to a young female. This guy has a history of blowing up at people, but never a young female before. The next higher up person is also female, so they are hoping this will sway her more. Shameful. You idiots are no better than he is. At least he's honest enough to yell at someone to their face and not use them behind their back.

I forgot to mention before - I have a song that whenever it plays on the radio, something good happens. It's a song from the 90's; it rarely plays. I heard it on the way home from the air show and started to cry. "WHAT GOOD CAN POSSIBLY COME OUT OF THIS???", I screamed out loud. I'm still haven't lost faith though. Something good WILL happen out of it... although it may take longer than I would like.

In other happier news, I have two flight experiences tomorrow! Not really... but enough to make me happy. One I have advance free tickets to a new movie, Flight, with Denzel Washington that I'll be seeing with R2.




And two, I get to dress up tomorrow at work to announce the Halloween party for the students. My costume has to do with flying and is a little bit of a pun. Plus, I had to make some elements of it and it's completely original. Not telling what it is yet (it's a surprise!), but I'll give one last hint - it's also one of the items on my bucket list...sort of! ;)

Stayed tuned for pictures!

Silly boys, airplanes are for girls

The Paulding air show was today. I figured it would be good for me to get out and enjoy the last air show of the year, even though I was still grumbly. Actually, this morning I woke up sad, as I dreamed about airplanes last night. I wished for every part of my being that things were different. But wishes aren't reality unfortunately.

None of my friends could go to the air show, so I was going solo today. No biggie. I do it all the time. I've got my chair, got my aviator's - I'm happy.  I found a nice spot near the flight line and after a bit, I got up to walk around. A nice aerobatic performance started, so I grabbed some food and returned to my seat.

I heard my name called as I was about to sit down and one of the CAP members I was friendly with, happened to be sitting next to my chair.  We watched the show together and then left when it was over. He mentioned how other people from our squadron were here also.

I started one last walk around before they closed up the air show. Lo and behold, one of the first groups I ran into were the CAP guys. I recognized one guy from some of the meetings, said hello, shook his hand, and asked how he liked the show. The commander of the squadron was there too and turned around at our exchange. I said hello to him and shook his hand as well.

"Aren't you ever going to return to the squadron?", he suddenly asked angrily.

Where the hell did that come from?!?! I'm actually planning to transfer, but told myself I wouldn't discuss this here. We're at an air show, for god's sakes, and surrounded by other senior members and cadets. Have some decorum, man.

So I offer a noncommittal "maybe".  I don't want to discuss this at the air show, especially in front of so many people. I like to think I have class and manners... unlike my "friend".

Then he goes crazy and launches into about how our Wednesday meetings aren't sanctioned and we need to attend actual CAP meetings once a month or we'll be grounded. So we can choose to be grounded or transfer. Besides, we were wearing CAP uniforms at the meetings and it wasn't a CAP event, blah blah.

I didn't know what to say. There's a hundred different things I could say that I'll say here, but there's no way I'm saying them with cadets and other members staring me down. I said "okay", said a polite goodbye and left.

First, Merlin got permission for those meetings. Second, don't give me an ultimatum; you won't like what I choose. Third, I'm an adult, don't talk to me like that. Fourth, we're at an air show; don't bring this crap up here, especially in front of people. Fifth, you want people to come to your meetings? Don't make them a waste of my time. Sixth, we aren't wearing uniforms there. Sometimes some members have a flight just beforehand. Seventh, I was at your meetings about 2 weeks ago.

Air shows are like my church. It's sacrilegious to have confrontations at them. Don't piss me off at a place/event I love so much. Obvious the "commander" isn't an Oshkoshian. Altercations at an air show would be taboo for them. So he successfully made an air show - one of my favorite things in the world - a horrible experience. I know I shouldn't let him get under my skin, but he did.

I was shaking after the incident. Mostly from rage. I nearly turned around to give him a piece of my mind, but just decided to walk away. Cadets were surrounding him and he wasn't worth it, honestly.

I paced around like an angry tigress. What could I do? I texted Merlin. Not optimal, but the only option I had. Stupid CAP. Didn't want to call him because I was seconds away from yelling or crying, but he called me. He told me to write everything in an email to him  and he'd contact the person above him. I'd like to write him myself, in addition to Merlin and I think I'm going to anyways. There's no excuse for this type of behavior, especially from a 60+ year old man, as the commander is. Why don't you communicate with people to find out why they aren't coming and try to fix it rather than threatening them? Grow up and learn how to communicate. As one friend once said - it's sad when a girl who sleeps with stuffed animals and likes cartoons, like me, is the most mature person in the room.

CAP looks so good from the outside. Why can't you boys play nice? Why do you have to be like this? I was so angry earlier that I was letting out strings of cuss words I never say. Now they are just breaking my heart. I miss Oshkosh. I want to go home. Home, where everyone respect each other and got along.

Merlin says I'm grounded anyways until this is solved. He says I'm too stressed out and people can't fly when going through that much stress. You fool - I said I wanted to be left alone for 2 weeks, I said I wanted to stay away from CAP!!! Instead of being caught in the middle, I'm now their target. Leave me alone, all of you. I'm sick of it. I have studying to do and videos to watch. Go play your little boy game somewhere else - I've got too much to do.

Merlin called, said they'd start things tonight and let me know in the morning. I don't think I'll sleep much tonight. I hate CAP so so very much right now. Why - you who brought me so much joy. Why??  I hate that it bleeds over into aviation. How can something good be so bad? Why do you boys not realize that it's fake?? It's not your personal game and those titles that you let go to your head are FAKE!!!!!! It's supposed to be fun dammit! Why do you not realize that??

Geez... I should have kept walking at that air show, kept my head down and hoped they didn't see me. Anyways, I'm off to bed. Hoping to get a good night's sleep to make me feel better. Maybe things will look up in the morning.

I'm not an aggressive person and I don't wish ill will towards anyone, but I hope the commander gets his ass handed to him. He deserves it.

Holding Short

Hold short: An instruction given by the ATC (Air Traffic Control) to the pilot, telling him to remain at the taxiway/runway threshold (usually because of other traffic in the area) and to wait until further instructed.

In last week's meeting, Merlin brought an aviation trivia game called "Hold Short". We had fun playing... or at least I did. There were 4 of us total. There were different levels with different levels of questions, based on your rating.

The boys started fighting over whose turn it was because they forgot. Seriously, the scene at the table was:

"It was my turn!"
"No, mine!"
"No, MINE!"

Silly boys. Aviation is for girls. But we had fun and I started enjoying the meetings again. Merlin told the others what a great job I did on the Gx60.

My training hit a complete stop after this, due to financial and medical reasons. Merlin wasn't happy and morphed from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde - "Do you want to be a pilot or are you just a thrill-seeker??", he told me angrily over the phone. He asked if I had given up. I was confused, nothing I had done recently indicated this. Sure, I have moments... but none recently.

I was so taken aback and wasn't sure what to say. I wrote a respectful email later, and said how I could be both a pilot and a thrill-seeker. I had spent the majority of the weekend inside, during beautiful weather, because I knew I had to make sacrifices in order to do this. Actually, I was feeling pretty good about my progress that past weekend... until the phone call from Darth Merlin.

So in the email, I told him that his attitude wasn't helping and outlined everything I had accomplished that weekend. I asked him to believe in me - that I really needed to do that for myself, but it would really help if he believed in me too.

I didn't want to go to the next meeting and found myself relieved that no meeting reminder came through my email. I messaged him - no response. I figured he must have been pissed about my response to him. 5pm - still no response, so I figured I was free. I got on my running clothes to run out of my frustrations.

I literally had one foot out the door when he texted me and said to meet in 20 minutes. I was furious. Learn to respect my time. I texted back, saying how I'm at least 30 minutes away. He doesn't reply. I waste so much time waiting for a reply that it would get dark out before I could finish my run. I was cutting it close as it was when I had one foot out the door. I grumbled, thinking he'd be upset if I didn't go and I really couldn't make it before it got dark, so I changed my clothes to regular ones and went to the meeting. DV Merlin was slowly becoming DB Merlin.

At the meeting, he did the unthinkable - he apologized in front of everyone. He told them that he thought I was doing a great job and he did believe in me. The whole meeting was kind of geared towards helping me, so I was happy.

We agreed for me to update him constantly on where I was on the videos and to email him whenever I finished a quiz (with the answers) on tests4pilots.com. He said it would be more productive and he could keep up with my progress more. Done!

I'd watch the videos at night after I got home from work and would stop watching when I got so tired, they didn't sound like they were speaking English anymore. I started taking the tests on my lunch break at work. One test was 10 questions, which he told me I needed to do more because the actual test was 60 questions. I had only gotten 15 minutes for lunch that day, so chose a shorter test. He was satisfied. I began getting feedback like "Excellent!" or "This is fantastic!" or "Good job!". Things were good.

I went to the meeting last night. Got in a run before the meeting and was quite happy to be able to fit all of my activities in. Life is good. The topics for the meeting were more geared towards the pilots, but I can still listen and learn. The meeting ended with Merlin asking how I was progressing in my studies. I was confused, but laughed and said he knew because I constantly updated him.

DV Merlin comes out and says I'm not working hard enough, as I haven't sent him a test I've taken in over a week. Actually, it was 5 days. I was too busy for lunch at work on Friday, I was out all weekend with my friends, too busy for lunch on Monday and too exhausted on Tuesday, so I took a nap. Granted perhaps I shouldn't have spent alllllll weekend out and maybe I can scale back on facebook to fit in some more study time. Still, I was taken aback from him praising me behind closed doors and berating me in front of everyone.

So the last flight we took, there was something wrong with the plane. Just an engine cylinder temp gauge - nothing critical and he was able to fix it. Even still, I asked if we should squawk (report) it anyways, just in case? He says we should, but people get upset at him if he does, so I asked if I should do it and he said no. He reported it and nothing happened. I asked a bit later if it had ever been fixed and once again, he said no. He said he didn't like having people upset at him, but was pleased that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.

Last night at the meeting, he brings it up... but it still hasn't been fixed. He says he wants to show me the emails to prove he has reported it and that no one has replied to him about it. So he shows me the email and it says that I keep bugging him about it and its making him uncomfortable. This was the last straw - telling me one thing to my face and then saying another in front of others or when my back is turned is not cool.

I wrote him another email when I got home, saying I needed to suspend all CAP activities for the next two weeks. I needed to think about things. I'm tired of being treated like a yo-yo.

So, two weeks. I already think I know what I'm going to do. Doesn't make it any easier though.

In other, happier news - just heard the flight school I trained with is closing their doors at that location. Makes me feel better about the decision to leave them. See? Everything does happen for a reason and karma DOES work! :)

And there's a new movie with Denzel Washington coming out soon called "Flight". I have two free tickets to see an advanced screening of it next week, so R2 and are going to see it!

WGP and Wings over North GA

Merlin and I went flying last week in the Maule. I love this aircraft - nothing but plexiglass and fabrics. It moves differently than other airplanes and you can see more out of it. We went up at night and I felt absolutely no reservations about this night flight... then again, I wasn't in the driver's seat either. We went up to work on MO stuff for CAP. The Maule had the Gx60 system, which is like the Gx55, but with a communications unit attached. Similar, yet different.

We practiced on the sim on his computer before going up, so I felt much better about everything. Once I got into the plane, I didn't know everything 100% but there was definitely a marked improvement.

Merlin actually had a good tactic - he said he was a dopey pilot and I needed to tell him everything to do. I had set up our course and he was completely off of it, flying all over the map and up and down. I was fearing we'd have a repeat of the time I nearly lost my cookies in the plane and said "Well, for one, fly straight and level. I can't figure this out with you flying like that". He thought that was funny and said "ok, done". Much easier to focus and find things... although I did like the porpoising.

I found the course we needed to be on and which direction, but we were 4 miles out and I was heading parallel to where I needed to be. Ok, easy enough - turn right... But no, no that's not it either because now we're going in a circle. OH! How about turn right and head 30 degrees off course to where we needed to be so we meet our desired course! Booyah - got it!

The next day, we had our aircrew meeting and I had to show everyone what I did through the simulator. I had the knowledge from just working on it the night before and the confidence from that. Also I had a friend tell me that I had a confidence problem. She said I needed to act like the WGP.

"Act like a what?"

"WGP - World's Greatest Pilot"

I laughed. "I'm only a student. Besides, other pilots have told me that you become dangerous if you think like that and they'll think I'm crazy if I act like that."

"I said act like it, don't act on it. Go into that room believing you are."

She actually made a lot of sense. Good idea!

So I went into that meeting room with all of that in my head. When I started feeling intimidated by them, I thought: "I'm the WGP, why am I intimidated?" and stopped being such. I sat up straighter and stopped answering their questions with unsure-sounding answers. I took out the question mark from my answers and put in a firm confident period. Even when I was wrong, I answered the question with conviction as though I was confident in my answers.

It worked. I was answering their questions right and left... and actually even corrected them sometimes. Not in a know-it-all or rude sort of way. Caused Merlin to stop and blink a few times and say "Oh yeah... yeah you are right". So overall it was a pretty good night. I couldn't believe it actually worked to change my thinking like that! Well... I guess I did... I've learned that kind of positive thinking before and how it really changes stuff. Guess it helped that I just reviewed all of that stuff in the plane though too.

This past weekend was the Wings over North Georgia air show in Rome, GA. My first since Oshkosh.

I got to talk to a female F-18 pilot for about 5 minutes!!! She's my age too and it was kinda cool because that was the airport she soloed out of when she was 16. I asked if she flew in the show and she said no, that she was just flying the "spare" F-18 out and then back again. So I asked if there was another spare F-18 I could have. lol

Then there was the Jelly Belly plane in which the pilot went up to 6,000ft and shut off the engine. He did an entire aerobatic routine with no engine. It was really eerie to hear no sound and as he got closer, you could see that the propeller was stationary. There was a guy standing on the runway and it was the pilot's goal to land and give the guy on the runway a high-5. He accomplished his goal and stopped right when he gave the other guy a high-5. FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!

Then, then, then!!! The Canadian Snowbirds flew!! I saw them at my first airshow at Dobbins. They were fabulous. One of the pilots had to land early because he hit a bird. Later, they were signing autographs (I have a poster signed by all of them now!! SQUEEE!!!!) and they said the same pilot hit a bird the previous day as well. Ironically, his call-sign was "Bird". haha

It was a fantastic day. I'm sooo in my element at airshows. Made me a little homesick for Oshkosh again.

Squawk 7700

In the plane, there's a device called the Transponder. You plug in, or squawk, different codes so the ATC (air traffic control) can see you on their radar. There are certain codes you never squawk unless you are in an emergency. 7700 is the code for engine out.

 Had a CAP aircrew meeting last night. An hour before the meeting, Merlin messages me and asks if I want to go flying at night. He asked Monday and I declined, not feeling 100% and wanted to review more stuff. He said it was an "excellent answer" and not to worry. I kicked myself after because it was absolutely beautiful and I was excited to see how flights would go between us after our chat.

So when he asked yesterday, I was over the moon! My energy surged and I had not felt this excited in a very, very long time. Also, in the meeting, we were going to go over a simulated table-top mission and I was going to tell them what to do as the Mission Observer.

I arrive earlier than I thought I would and just am so excited to see everyone. We start the meeting and then launch into the sim. It was going to be a bit different than I thought - 4 pilots all firing off questions at me about what I'm supposed to do. Not comfy. At all. I still don't know a lot of this stuff; I'm still learning and then they start saying stuff like:

"What's the matter? Are you tired? You must be tired."
"Are you nervous or something? Don't be nervous around us."

No, I just don't know any of this. Or have trouble remembering the very little I've learned. Especially with the four of you looking down the table at me like I was a mouse at a lion's dinner table.

So after, Merlin says I've earned it and he was going to take me flying. We adjourned and I happily bounced along. Still a little nervous about flying at night, but I listened to the plane and to the wind, so I was fine. Merlin gave me a good job for being able to take-off, but pfft... you know, you'd think I'd know how to do that by now.

We flew around, looking at all the lights from above. We got to see a marina over at Lake Allatoona and the dam all lit up. Got in a few turns there, too, and Merlin angled the plane up so we could see some of the stars (not many though because it was a bit cloudy). I could recognize more instruments on the G1000 now and I wasn't as afraid to fly at night this time. Merlin got in a few high-angle turns for me and it was just peaceful. Even got a radio call in there. Still not 100% comfortable, but decided it I needed to do it anyways.

I could actually see the airport when we were far away and that surprised him. Actually wanted to attempt landing this time, but he did it. Pooh. :(

So we get back and I'm a lil disappointed about not really being able to do anything and he says there's not much you can do at night. Ok, fair enough, but still disappointed. And still a little smarting from the tribunal earlier at the meeting. But had to give him his credit - he said he took me up "for fun", so I guess it was like an apology flight? I dunno...

He drives me back to my car and we chat for a bit. According to him, the other squadrons look down on ours because people don't perform the way they should. We have too many hot potatoes and he names a few of my friends as being such. He doesn't say I'm one too, but that I should be further along than where I am (mostly talking about mission observer stuff) because of all the time they've spent on me. He didn't want me running around , talking about aviation with other people because if there's something I should know but don't, then it makes him look bad. I totally understand that and it goes both ways. Can't tell you how many airshows or airports I've gone where I mention his name and people say "You fly with HIM???" and say some not so flattering things. If we continue, then our names will be forever tied together and we both have to make sure we don't bring down the name of the other person. "It makes me think I'm a bad instructor and I know I'm not because I've soloed more pilots than anyone at this airport". C'mon now... anyone who has ever taken a statistics class would know that making more solo pilots than anyone doesn't make you good, even if it was true. Maybe you've gone through more students than anyone else. That can result in more solos too.

Anyways, he continues and says most people drop hot potatoes because they don't want that stigma attached to them, but he likes me and won't stop training with me. Ouch. Umm... gee, thanks? What kind ass-backwards compliment was that??? And then he launches into his "You need to study more" speech. I explained to him about the lack of time and I'm doing all I can. How and when am I supposed to watch the videos when you are telling me to look over the G1000 and Mission Observer stuff? I work 40+ hours a week and have other responsibilities.

Others have left like I'm contemplating doing. Merlin got them all staff jobs. He said he'd get me one too, but why would I want to work for an organization that I don't want to volunteer for?

We left and he said he'd message me today. But no messages, no flights, and that's quite alright with me. I came home highly discouraged and low on enthusiasm. I think I need to stay away more than just the Thursday night meetings. It looks like my chat didn't help at all. I didn't really expect it to, as things like that normally don't work, but I still hoped... a little part of me hoped it would.

R2 says it's an abusive relationship I have with him - "There is being tough and then there is always knocking someone down".

I didn't sleep well last night and was in a horrible mood today. It was dangerous having my sleeping bag and tent in my car today; I was about 2.5 seconds from taking off. With my discouragement high and enthusiasm low, I felt like my engine was out again. I lost it after coming back from Oshkosh, got it briefly restarted last week and now it's out again. It's been 7 weeks since I've returned home from Oshkosh. TOO long to still be feeling this way. I can't come back from every flight or every aviation related activity feeling deflated. It'll kill my love for aviation.

I started thinking I might need to talk to a counselor or something. This is ridiculous. Absolutely. Ridiculous.

So I come home mopey after work and settle down to eat dinner. One of my facebook groups for the Spartan 5k race posts this video. It awoke me with a jolt. The engine sputtered to life. It's time to stop being afraid of this race. If those courageous young men could finish that race, then no excuses, I can too. Likewise, I shouldn't be worried about not making it as a pilot if I end up leaving Merlin. Sure, my confidence went down when I left the flight school and sure, it may go down if I leave Merlin. So what??  I won't and I can't let this love for aviation die. There's no way. Screw that little boys' club. I won't give up. I'll just find another squadron if I have to and continue on my own path. Back to the name of this blog: "Attitude is Everything". :)

On a semi-related note, had a friend tell me today that my aviation life actually did resemble Sword & the Stone. "But tell me, Wart", she said to me. "Just when are you going to realize that you're really King Arthur?"

Point taken. But I'm a girl... ;)

SAREX #2

Today went remarkably well. I went into today's SAREX very very nervous because there's still a lot I don't know about the G1000 and GX55. There's a fellow member that's in the same boat I am and in fact he called me last night about a lot of what has been going on. He also mentioned how unprepared he felt. I told him not to worry and maybe we could have a flight first as the scanner in the back, while keeping one eye on the Mission Observer. He thought that was a brilliant idea... unfortunately he didn't get to fly at all today.

The first flight was with a pilot I was friendly with... and Merlin. I did not want to see him when I arrived there and planned to stay as far away from him as possible. Unfortunately, he picked me first. Fortunately, he had the same idea I did and suggested I ride in the back to watch what he did, while flying as an Observer later. Awesomesauce.

But no more Ms. non-assertive - "Good idea, Merlin. Listen, I have a request". I said this during the briefing before the flight.

"Sure, go ahead"

"Would you mind slowing down everything for me and maybe talking through it?". He goes SUPER fast though stuff and I can never catch it all.  And for all I knew, he'd roll his eyes at my request and knock me for being weak or something.

"Sure, I will do that." Wow... I was surprised, and frankly, he looked surprised I asked.

Earlier in the morning, he stopped by and saw everything I had gotten together for this SAREX. Maps and a clipboard. It hadn't been easy (or cheap) to track these things down. He said he was really pleased I had these and was prepared. He started to give me a pat on the arm... and stopped midway as I glared at him.

So at least I was getting up in the plane. Merlin and the other guy were both training for aerial photography, which I also want to be trained in later. So Merlin was happy he was learning a new skill.... and I was happy because aerial photography missions involve a lot of steep turns. Plus, it added a few more duties for me as Mission Scanner.

I know this job cold and perform it flawlessly. Merlin is true to his word and after I'm done with my part for the moment, he makes sure I'm watching him before talking/walking me through what he's doing at a slower pace than normal. Perfect. This is going to be great.

It gets better when we go out and start taking pictures. High banking turns, tight turns on a point and the feeling of the breeze in my hair when Merlin had to open his window to take pictures. Plus, it was BREEZY! The higher winds were making the steep, tight turns even more fun. The scene out of the front of the airplane looked like a roller coaster. I was in heaven.

We had 4 targets we needed to get pictures of .... and 5 angles of each - overhead, north, south, east and west. I had to record down the order and technically how many of each...but Merlin didn't keep track.

One target left to go and I feel like I have indigestion all of a sudden. It took one steep turn to realize it was NOT indigestion... but queasiness. Crap, crap, crap. Don't think about it. I started looking straight forward and singing songs in my head. It went away. One strong wind caused us to be tossed around. It came back. I went to my happy place at Oshkosh. I ran through things I remembered and once again the feeling went away. The plane dipped and shot up again. The scene outside the front of the plane was like a roller coaster again as we turned into another steep turn. Not so much heaven right now. I'm in trouble now... and I know it.

"Bag?" I say meekly. I'm never going to live this down, but there's nothing else I can do. The pilot's IPAD is on my lap and I quickly move it to the side. Merlin finds a bag for me and the pilot opens the window. I sit for a minute, relieved by the cooler air in the cabin and breathe deeply. After a few minutes clutching the bag for dear life, the feeling goes away. I tell them I'm ok and they close the window. Merlin asks if I got sick and I tell them no. He asks me how I was able to stop it, and the pilot says I was able to will it away. Booyah.

So we still have work to do and I continue to do my job. Merlin can't get one of the shots, so we have to set it up again. I start thinking about how close I came to tossing my cookies... and guess what comes back? Craaaaaaaaaap.

"Window!" is all I'm able to get out. The pilot understands and opens the window again. I feel bad because with all the breeze, it makes it harder to hear the radios, but I'm about to burst. I wait until I'm feeling better and gives the thumbs up that I'm okay as soon as possible. I'm okay for the time being, but I need down. Now.

Merlin turns around with a smirk on his face and says, "So YOU want to fly aerobatics, huh?". I didn't feel well and my defenses were down, so I responded with an uncharacteristic "Shut up, Merlin".

Problem was that we tried to head back to the airport earlier.... and there was a rain shower right on top of it. We had to fly around until it cleared up. So everything was okay weather-wise and we came down. I was relieved, but Merlin and the other guy said I was a trooper for going through that while continuing to do my job. Double booyah.


We park the plane and can smell food cooking from the restaurant next door. Merlin comments about how we all need to grab lunch and he can smell steak cooking. That was all I needed and began to gag. Oh HELL no! I didn't make it this far to only toss my cookies just after we landed. I concentrated and stop the gagging with a sigh of relief. But at this point, I was worn out. Even though I managed not to get sick, it still drained me. A LOT.

I curled up on the couch while they debriefed and joined them when I felt up to it. They insisted on going to lunch, which even though I didn't want to eat at that moment, I figured it might make me feel better in the long run.

Allllllllll through lunch they talked about CAP and the problems going on with it. Guuuh.... c'mon guys! Quit talking about that stuff while I eat pul-leeeeeeease!

After lunch, I was asked to go up in a plane with another pilot.... as the Mission Observer. My heart nearly stopped. He and the other guy going with him told me that we were all here to learn and they would help me through it; not to worry. Besides, the pilot was another guy that I'm friendly with in the squadron. Okay! Let's do this!!

So we get into the plane and I'm doing as much as I can... which still isn't a lot. This was the Gx55 system, which I played with a few weeks ago but have more recently been training on the G1000. Odd enough though, Merlin's in my head - "Isn't there something else you should be doing?!?!". OH, YEAH! And my hand reached up to press buttons and turn knobs. The pilot even forgot something and I pointed it out to him. This pilot was super-nice... and almost coddling me. I hated being beaten down by Merlin in the plane, but coddling isn't the way to go either. I realized I retained more in my flights with Merlin because he expected so much of me. Don't expect much out of me and my brain doesn't scramble to try to remember something.

At one point during the flight, I feel the wind coming into the cabin (just a little, not to worry - no windows fell off) and it spoke to me. I closed my eyes and communicated back. I love this feeling of riding on the back of the wind.

"Want to fly?" asked the pilot.

Hell YES! "Sure", I answered. And just like that I'm flying. It's so smooth and it's been far too long since I've in control of an airplane. It was heaven.

Finally, we came back and the guy in the back (from another squadron) signed off on a few things for me. I did preform them, albeit not very well. I want to get more proficient before I get that rating. But I was happy... not only because I got to fly but because of the revelation I had in the plane.

Merlin walked through the door... and I smiled brightly at him. I think it confused him. Outside, I told him about how he was in my head during that flight. He started to object, wondering what was so wrong with asking someone "Isn't there something you should be doing right now?". I told him pointe blank that he was abrasive, but how things actually stuck in my head more during his beat-down flights rather than the coddle flights. I said I knew he wasn't a warm-fuzzy type of guy and that was okay... I get it. So be hard on me and be stingy with the compliments... but don't be an asshole.

We had a heart-to-heart chat afterwards. He explained to me some of the things that were going on in CAP... and I told him that I had friends on both sides, so I didn't want to be dragged into it. He told me I could leave if I wanted to, and he wouldn't stop me, but to try to wait for things to blow over. I told him how much the pencil-whipping comment hurt me... as well as some of the others, and he apologized. He said he was glad we had this chat and was impressed I could speak to him directly about this. He agreed not to be so insulting and said he wanted me to be able to say what was on my mind around him. Finally, he finished with how he really does like me as a person and cares very much for me, no matter how his actions might make it seem like he doesn't. We discussed aerobatics and he said he just wanted to make sure I'd be safe, that's all. Especially after Bob Osgaard passing away today while attempting to do a barrel roll, it hit home I guess for all of us. I had a feeling all along that's just what it is about aerobatics and him. But again, he presented it too abrasively...and caused me to react back. But apparently I reacted back equally abrasively and he took offensive to it. Guess we have a mutual non-asshole agreement or something now. haha I really really hope this talk ends up doing the trick.

The guy who didn't get a chance to fly today just called me. He said Merlin called him to apologize for him not getting any flights and said he talked to me for quite a long time. He said he also wanted to talk to Merlin and hoped my little chat would help pave the way for talking to him himself tomorrow. I told him to go for it and that Merlin was very receptive to my concerns. He thanked me for listening to him. I hope he doesn't leave the squadron. :(

So triple booyah today. I was quite pleased with myself. Got lots of good training done, was able to stop motion sickness three times in a row, and finally was able to give Merlin the assertiveness he was looking for.... Rather the assertiveness I was looking for.

I hope things continue to go this well. I really, really hope they do.

Disappointment

I set up a meeting with Merlin to talk with him. This direction we are heading is not good. I felt much more comfortable writing it all out and sending it to him, but wanted to do it face to face. He agreed and wanted to go over some more G1000 stuff.

Ok, fair enough. I get the nonsense out of the way and we continue as normal.

He was setting things up when I arrived and we got an in-flight guide printed for me for the Mission Observer training. Then we launched into a review of yesterday's material before I could say a word. Rather before I could get up the courage to say a word. Fine, I'll wait until after. Might be less awkward that way if things go awry.

We review everything from yesterday and I'm knocking those questions out of the park. Merlin drills me HARD and I'm not saying I answered everything correctly, but 90% easily. Maybe that's why he likes to get me mad - I get a certain "grrr I'm gonna show you" attitude and show those questions no mercy. It does drive me a little... but hey, so does joy & enthusiasm.

At one point, he taunts me - "Giving up now, are we?"
"I don't give up", I growled in response.
"Good", he said. "Don't give up on me and I won't give up on you".  Odd response. I'm sure he knew why I wanted to meet.

There's a SAREX (Search & Rescue Exercise) next weekend. I didn't want to sign up at first because it was CAP stuff. I'm still studying all of that, but I've been staying away from meetings. Merlin asked me to sign up and said none of the people causing drama would be there. He neglected to mention himself, but a lot of my buddies were signing up too, so I did. The closer it's getting, the more I'm realizing I'm not ready. I expressed my reservations to Merlin today. He said if I pulled out, it would be a slap in the face to him because he's spent so much time on me.

I thought later that I wish I could have been quick enough to say: "Oh no, I wouldn't want to do that and didn't mean that at all. That'd be like telling someone they cheated on their black belt test."

He said maybe I'd feel more comfortable flying with him, rather than someone I didn't know. Hell no, my reluctance to go to SAREX is because I don't want to be yelled by him in the plane. I want to walk away feeling accomplished and not beaten down. Like last time, I flew with two guys I didn't know and they said I was awesome. I came down from that flight with such a rush and was bouncing around like crazy. We all had been out all day, in 100+ degree temps, with no lunch and everyone was exhausted. I was the only person bouncing around, begging for another flight.

Merlin asked if someone had said something to me the last time that made me lose confidence. "No, those guys were fantastic. I had a great experience last time". It's not them; it's you.

When time was finished, I opened my mouth to say what I came to say... and his wife was behind me to pick him up. I didn't feel right saying it in front of her and closed my mouth.

I wish I could say I hate myself for not being able to say anything to him... and I know I made excuses for not doing so. Worst part is that I'm disappointed in myself. That's 100x worse than hating oneself.  I wish I could be assertive.

On the plus side, remember the pilot I told you about from yesterday? He's a C130 navigator. We got chatting yesterday and he's super nice. Most of the people in CAP seem really serious in meetings, but when you get one-on-one with them in the plane, they are much different. The C130 is my 2nd favorite plane, so it was pretty cool to be able to talk with him especially. I remembered today the respect he had in his eyes when he spoke to me. That really means a lot, you know? A guy in the AF, who navigates the C130 and whom I really respect... respects me, a baby pilot, in return. That makes me feel warm fuzzy allllllllll over!  When we left, he said he wanted to be informed of how my flight training was going and wanted to know if I'd make it or not. Merlin said he'd make sure I'd make it.

No Spirit of Oshkosh in my dreams last night to tell me what to do this time. Mom and some flight buddies say it's time to pull the plug on Merlin. I still haven't regained all of the confidence that I lost from giving my last flight instructor the pink slip and one flight buddy said no one else would have continued in flight training after what I went though. It very nearly destroyed me and I'm afraid if it were to happen again, there would be no maybe this time. I think if I could just talk to him and tell him to knock if off, we'd be okay. It's just a matter of being able to do that... which is harder than it seems.

Oh well, so barrelling non-stop towards the SAREX

Frustrations :/

Went flying (right seat) in a 152 for Mission Observer training for CAP. Usual frustrations surfaced. It was my first time using the G1000 for Mission Observer duties... and DV Merlin expected me to know everything already. "Haven't you been using the simulator?!?!" he asked in frustration. The sim, that I just downloaded a few nights ago, and haven't had much of a chance to use. Even when I had, pressing buttons randomly to figure out what they do is MUCH different than someone saying "bring up the weather" and knowing how to do that.

So he sighed frustratingly at me and I did the same. On the way back, I made a significant improvement and was quite pleased with the progress I made in such a short time. The pilot riding in the backseat thought so too. See? Just show me once and I'm good to go. Merlin suggested I hang out after and we'd go over some more stuff so I'd get better. During which, he told me I wasn't aggressive enough and how aviation wasn't for the timid. Granted, I agree and I do need to get more aggressive... but I can't do some of the things he wants me to. He says if he starts messing with the buttons on the G1000, then I need to slap his hand away. I've tried... and I just can't do it. I wasn't brought up like that. It's just not part of my DNA. On the other side, he'd faint from shock if I actually ever did... and I just might, too.

He starts packing up his stuff and says if I can't be aggressive, then I can't make it. "Go out, get a black belt and come back and see me", he says.

I smile and reply, "I already have one". Not something I talk about much, but it's true. Or at one point, I guess it was true. So long ago, I doubt it really counts anymore. "First Degree Black Belt, actually."

He laughs. "Who pencil-whipped that one for you? Act like it."

My anger flared. If you know anything about me at all, you know I work hard for everything I have. Nothing I have was handed to me. Attaining my black belt was no different and my mom loves telling that story. I worked extra hard to earn it and no one handed it to me. Dunno how he always knows how to push my buttons, but he does. Not sure if somehow he knew about the black belt or if it was just completely random that he happened upon it.

We continued to work on other stuff, but I steamed. Much like being forced into that CAP meeting when I didn't want to be there. I sat and steamed, barely hearing anything going on or paying attention.

He asked me questions about the G1000 and got frustrated about how I couldn't answer them. "What do you want from me?", I asked, equally as frustrated. "I've never seen this before!"

So he nearly left, telling me he didn't know what to do and couldn't understand why I wasn't getting this... and how I needed to go home to review the videos he gave me, the G1000 training, my textbook and the Mission Observer training. I'm so frustrated and overwhelmed because I study EVERY FREE MOMENT I HAVE.  I study on my lunch break at work and study when I get home. Sometimes I even listen to ATC broadcasts while working. He's even said before how no one works harder than I do. So when he tells me to do G1000 training, I put down my textbook and concentrate on that. When we meet a few days later, he asks why I haven't been watching the videos. When was I suppose to have time for that?!?! When I'm in the shower??? Or maybe play them in the background while I'm sleeping...? Or perhaps shove the flash drive in my ear and hope it uploads it, maybe?? I don't know!!

Instead of leaving, he asks to see my textbook and opens it to ask me questions out of there. I answer every single one correctly. He's satisfied and closes the book, "Wow, you certainly do know everything you've gone over so far. Good."  Which is how it should be - know the stuff you've reviewed, and not know the stuff you've never seen before.

"I know you are frustrated", he says. "But you are right where you need to be. You just want to get there too fast. Quit messing around with aerobatics and the plane building nonsense; anything that isn't helping you with getting your license is a waste of your time."  The aerobatic pilots and the homebuilders treat me like I'm some kind of extraordinary pilot, you jerk. They don't make me feel like dirt. They actually believe in me.

"Besides, you are getting all of this feedback for free. No one else will do that for you."

I drove home, fuming. Not charging someone for your time doesn't give you license to be a jerk to them. "Lights" by Ellie Golding started playing on the radio. It's the song that reminds me of Oshkosh. I burst into tears and begged anyone listening - the universe, gods, goddesses, what-have-you - to let me go back there. I hate it here, I hate how petty they are in CAP...and I hate leaving EVERY flight with DV Merlin either frustrated out of my mind or in tears.

Respect

A month ago tomorrow Oshkosh ended. I still need to update about it, but one story from my adventure I'll share now because it has to do with events that occurred last night.

One of the first panels I went to at Oshkosh was an American F-4 pilot, Gen. Dan Cherry, and a Vietnamese MiG pilot, Hong My Nguyen, who were friends after trying to kill each other in war. Gen. Cherry very nearly succeeded, shooting the wing off of the MiG and causing Hong My to parachute out. Gen. Cherry wonders if the other pilot survived, and 30 years later they met  face-to-face. The meeting results in them becoming friends. If that wasn't amazing enough, Hong My needs an interpreter to speak English. They have a language barrier between them and they still became close friends!!

I was sitting there, listening to their story in awe and admit I got a little misty-eyed. Hong My says through his interpreter that they were never enemies; just soldiers on separate sides of the war. Can you imagine that??? Someone tries to shoot you down and you barely escape with your life and decades later, you have the maturity and wisdom to move past it because you realize it wasn't personal. Wow... just wow... It certainly speaks volumes about his character. Not many of us have that kind of insight and clarity.

As I was sitting there listening to their remarkable story, I was just blown away by Hong My's overall positive attitude. I started thinking that if these two guys can get past their differences after this and become close friends, then the rest of us should be embarrassed for the petty differences that we let drive us apart. People drop each other from facebook because of a political disagreement. Grown people get into one another's faces over something as simple as a miscommunication. Shame on all of us. If these two men can become friends, then we have no excuses for our behavior. If they can get along, then why can't we?

I describe Oshkosh as paradise and I'm not exaggerating. While I was there, someone said there was rumored to be a million people in attendance. I just looked up the actual figures that were released not too long ago - 508,000. 1/2 a million. Regardless, still a big number in such a small place.

So for one week, 508,000 people got along in harmony. I'm sure there had to be arguments/disagreements, but if there were, I never saw them. One of the things I miss the most and find the hardest to let go of was how everyone treated each other with respect. We all came from different places (states, countries), came from different backgrounds, were involved in the aviation world in different ways, had different ages, different genders, & different colors. There were 1st years, like me, and there were people who had been there since the beginning. You had the Homebuilders, the Warbirds, the Experimentals, and the Ultralights. There were other student pilots like me, CFI's, professional airline guys, weekend flyers, aerobatic pilots, fellow air show groupies, military pilots, and probably much more I'm forgetting. And probably we each overlapped more than one of those categories. So many differences.... yet we all came together for one thing in common: aviation.

Suddenly none of those differences mattered. I was treated as an equal during my stay. One pilot told me that he was an engineer and used to think the best pilots were engineers, but then he came to Oshkosh and was proved wrong by the vast number of pilots who don't have an engineering background.

I spent time with homebuilders and aerobatic pilots, who treated me just like one of them. Why? "Because I would be one of them" was one of their responses.

We had our differences (I'm sure), but they never came up. We were able to come together because of our love for one thing and differences didn't matter. It's how strangers became like family in the mere span of one week. People smiled and said "hello" when you walked past them. It was so easy to strike up conversations with people - you were always sharing a seat with a random person on the bus or sharing a picnic table at lunch with new people. We had the best ice breaking questions in the world - "Where are you from?", "Did you fly or drive here?", "Are you a pilot?". The area was as clean as a golf course because people picked up a piece of trash if they saw it on the ground; didn't matter if it belonged to them or not. Everyone was equal. We concentrated on what brought us together, rather than what tore us apart.

Something happened to me while I was there. I built an intolerance for people fighting. I never particularly liked fighting, but I loved politics and would jump into the fray when people got into heated debates. For some reason, it hurts my ears now. If someone tries to engage me in a fight or create unnecessary drama, I walk away. If someone is fighting around me and tries to pull me in, I walk away. Simple as that.

I guess I always tolerated it because I thought it was human nature to fight. Sure peace would be nice in a perfect world, but it couldn't exist because our nature as humans was to fight since we were just so different. Oshkosh taught me differently - 508,000 people living in respectful harmony for 8 or 9 days. I'm not idealistic enough to think it would last permanently if Oshkosh was 365 days a year... but why can't the rest of us at least try?

Unfortunately, I haven't enjoyed CAP since returning. I think part of it is the lack of equality there. I get it- I really do, they have titles and ranks, so of course it can't be "equal". But it bothered me a lot since returning and I felt there was something else that felt off. Last night (I won't go into too much detail), but it hit me what it was - not the titles or the ranks, but the respect. You can still have seniority over someone and keep the respect in tact. Everyone deserves respect regardless of rank or title.We're all volunteers who love aviation and want to help people. If that isn't enough to bring everyone together, I don't know what is.

Well, last night was a complete lack of respect. Involved a simple miscommunication that erupted into something much worse. It imploded from the inside out and the two guys who had the problem with one another pulled everyone else into the middle of it, which I did not appreciate. I almost feel we've never graduated from the sandbox on the playground and one kid is crying because another smooshed his sand castle. Geez... c'mon now. I've got way too much to do with my own goals and studying to waste time on pettiness like that.

You guys know how much I love CAP. I've met so many great people and have learned so much since joining. I couldn't figure out why I was unhappy there since coming back from Oshkosh. Part of the reason I missed last week's meeting to go off to the EAA meeting was to take a small break from them. I didn't want to hate them, so figured a small break would help. I was happy to find out it was just what I needed and I was ecstatic to return this week. In addition this week, my computer had died and I was a little sick, but still had managed to stay on schedule and accomplished a lot with regards to aviation and CAP training. I was on top of the world and practically skipped off to the meeting. My goals were finally coming together and I got the feeling that I might actually make it. That, by the way, is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

Then I got to the meeting, not feeling very respected by what occurred and not feeling well to top it all off... and well, I'm now contemplating taking a few weeks off. Who knows if it has settled down, so might as well back off for a bit to let things settle before returning back. I've gotten to the point where I don't care who is "right" and who is "wrong"; you are both wrong for fighting and disrespecting each other.

On another note -Not so much aerospace related, but I've started taking classes on Khan Academy and having an absolute blast! I've learned that learning things makes me happy. Looks like this website will help towards two of my short term goals, too!

Anyways, that's all for now. Glad to finally have a computer back! Yikes- we're heading into the last week of August next week!!! I wanted to shoot for my written about the 1st week of September... guh...

1st EAA Meeting

Just got back from my first EAA meeting. It was like visiting the Warbird camp at Oshkosh - ALLLLLL WWII pilots. Made for some interesting stories and one guy spoke about his A-4 training in the war. He was a Marine, so it reminded me of Grampie alittle and I started missing him.

At first, they left me alone for the first part, but after the talk, a few got curious and came over to talk to me. I dunno why I get so nervous at these things. I mean, I know it's intimidating at first, but my shy meter overflows and I can barely say a "meep".

I met the two guys who are building RV-7's and they said I can definitely help them. They all asked about my flight training and once again, get BIG reactions when I tell them what I'm training in. One guy said that it was a very difficult plane to start training in. Yeah, you are telling me... 

Overall, pretty good... but it just made me miss things more. I miss Grampie, I miss Oshkosh.  I even missed CAP a little, which is good, I guess... I'm halfway convinced I'm still gonna take off one of these days. Regardless, I need to start making big changes in my life, starting now.

I'm sleepy after yesterday, but I have 9 pages to read before I knock off for the night. Getting a scratchy throat, so I definitely can't go past 11pm tonight.

Bragging Rights

Just completed the first module in Officer Basic Training for CAP! 11 lessons in 3 days (well...3 days and Thurs PM)!! I'm 1/3 of the way through!! :)  Expect nothing less from the girl who drove straight through Georgia to Wisconsin in 14 hrs and 40 minutes (14 hrs, 21 min on the way back).

That gave me a nice lil ego boost and makes me feel a little better about tomorrow.

FYI - Officer Basic Training is a bunch of little lessons on leadership, group decisions, problem solving, mentorship, conflict management, etc. Each reading is only 8-11 pages and I'm given a 10 question quiz at the end of each lesson, which a require passing score of 80% for each lesson. Doesn't pertain to flying per se, but a lot of these lessons are good for my job and day-to-day life.

The next one might take a little longer - it's 18 lessons instead of 11. ;)

The USS Yorktown

I said I would update Sunday (July 1st), but once again the adrenaline fooled me and I was much more tired than I realized. Plus, I'm sure the adrenaline crash and this weekend's high temps didn't help. I got all of my chores finished in the morning hours and stayed indoors for the afternoon. The plan was to just watch movies, read a book, do light cleaning, etc. I sat down to read a book, nodded off, woke up, read some more and nodded off again. It's okay; we all need days like that sometimes. Today, I'm more than just tired. I think a sinus infection that I've been keeping at bay has found it's opening in my exhaustion. My pride hesitates to admit it to myself, but the pain in my ears, throat and sinuses is persuading me to give in and get help. Flying and sinus problems do not mix and continuing to fly when my sinuses are already giving me problems will not help. God, I feel like crap. I don't think there's any pain worse than the one you get in your ears.

On another note, lately I've had other people ask me to teach them about aviation. I have to laugh - me, teach you about aviation? I don't know anything yet! Apparently some people disagree with that. It's weird. Although I think more things are sticking in my head and I know a lot more than when I started. Not sure it's enough to start teaching someone else, but... yano. One of the coolest things is when Merlin asks me something that he's certain I do not know, and I answer it anyways. The look of shock on his face is priceless. "How did you know that?!", he'll exclaim. I dunno... mostly it's dumb luck. Many times when that's occurred, I have JUST gone over that material in the book or videos.

Anyways, The USS Yorktown. We left on Friday night. It was a Graduation Friday at work and those tend to run late usually. I had planned things out ahead of time to make sure I'd leave on time. Fortunately for me that I did that, for as you can control things, you cannot control students. Students had a much different plan and kept me at work until 7pm. We needed to meet for the trip at 8:30pm. A little bit of a rush, but everything was fine. We loaded up into cars and were driven onto Dobbins ARB. Our plane didn't arrive until 10pm, so we had plenty of time to sit around and chat. We were all in uniform and were told that polo shirts/gray skirts were permissible, but when I got there, everyone else was in BDU's (battle dress uniform). I was jealous and wanted to be like all of them. :(  However, I got to talk with some of the other female seniors who were going on the trip. I need to think up callsigns for them... So our plane (a C-17!!!!) finally came in, but we were delayed due to lightning. Finally, they see a break in it and we have to run to our plane because they are behind. Unfortunately, no pictures were permitted of the flight line, but we could take pictures in the plane. She was beautiful though.

We got onboard and got seated. The seats were facing sideways and there were no windows. Another girl who is a pilot and I tried closing our eyes to feel which way the plane was going. It had really steep banks and could go pretty fast. I wish I knew just how high and how fast we were going though.

Seating on the C-17

By the time we landed, got loaded onto buses, got dropped off at the hotel and got checked into our rooms, it was 2am. We had to get up at 7:30am. There were 4 of us in the room together - the other pilot female, her sister and the one that calls herself  "Lt. Mom", even though she's a Captain. We discussed who was going to take showers when and split them up two and two. Everyone wanted to crash then and also, no one really wanted to take them in the morning. Lt. Mom and I took them that evening though. I was sharing a bed with her and asked if she minded wet hair. lol She looked at me and said "It's not like I'm going to cuddle with you". We all cracked up. She always says funny things like that.

Lt. Mom was one of the first people I met at CAP and she really does act like the squadron Mom. She actually told me that I was in the wrong trailer, as she thought I was a Cadet. When I told her that I felt left out because everyone was wearing BDU's but me, she helped me get some last Thursday. I had trouble buttoning the blouse and she helped me, saying she really earns her nickname. And when we both have time, she's going to go combat boot shopping with me! I'm so excited! I really like her. She wants to start flight training with Merlin too. That would be soooo much fun!! She was training to be a pilot when she was younger, but stopped because she was pregnant and thought it was too dangerous. As she says now, "pregnant isn't an excuse anymore".

allll the time.

Our Cozy bunks.

We explored that ship from top to bottom. Hard to believe people actually lived on there for months, maybe even years, at a time. Got to hang out with all the other female Seniors all day. We took a break for lunch and got to eat it on the deck, which was awesome. The view was spectacular! The male seniors came out there, too, and we all chatted excitedly together. Come to find out that our bunks were much more luxurious than theirs... and we took the opportunity to rub it in. ;)  Ours were nestled in a cute little alcove with one stacked on top of another. Theirs were piled 4 high and they had to stagger themselves because once they climbed up into it, it would sag. HAHAHAHA Then one of them grumbles, "I think you have more room in the casket when you die". We laughed soooooooo hard! Poor boys.

The boy's bunks looked something like this... only stacked 4 high.

Afterwards, we took off and explored more of the ship. I think I took about 210 pictures total. We had an absolute blast! And one of the female seniors (the one who set up the whole trip) kept talking about ghosts on the ship and how we were going to go ghost hunting at night! I think I'll dub her "Spirit" because she was so much into the whole ghost hunting and she's very lively. We all took turns posing in the Captain's chair, taking pictures of one another. Spirit would try the handle of every door, turn every knob and flip every switch we saw. It was like a maze inside of that ship and it was sooo hot too! Very muggy in Charleston that weekend and our bunks was the only part of it that had AC, but the rest of the ship was open.

Spirit turning a knob.

Dinner was served in the mess hall. There were a lot of groups there that weekend, so we had set times when we could eat. We stood in line, got a tray and food was plopped on it. There was a choice between pasta and chicken, but the pasta had meat in it. No vegetarian meals. You eat what you are given or go hungry. We had just enough time to shovel all of the food into our mouths before the group behind us needed to come in. And that was just as well, as we were all VERY hungry after exploring the ship all day.

There were activities on-board the ship for us, like movies and such. They were showing a movie about the ship and one about the Blue Angels. I was tempted, but at the same time, they were giving a guided tour on the flight deck. Blue Angels I <3, but I went for the flight deck tour. It was hot and unbearable. I HURT by that point and it was hard to stay still. Lt. Mom came with me and some of the other male seniors went as well, but Spirit continued to explore the ship with the two sisters.

At night, some of the cadets went ghost hunting and of course, so did we. We even played the part of the ghosts sometimes. :)

Sleeping on the boat wasn't very easy because we could hear EVERYTHING! Everyone was told not to shower between the hours of 11pm and 7am because everyone could hear everything. We even made it back early so we could shower within that time. Some people did not listen and were up past midnight showering and talking loudly and then got up the next morning at 5:30am doing the same thing. The lack of sleep and heat gave me a migraine.

The migraine/upset stomach wouldn't let me eat breakfast the next morning. I tried and tried, knowing I'd have a long day ahead of me with an empty stomach. It was grits too - YUCK! I hate those when I'm feeling 100%. Spirit told the other seniors to look out for me the rest of the day, which I slightly resented at first. She said I was too shy to let anyone know how I was feeling and would push on. I said it was pride, not shyness. We took a driving tour of Charleston and I passed out in the car. Between the nap and continuously drinking water, I was able to bounce back. By the time lunch came around, I was ready for some food.

But we went to go see a museum about a submarine. At least I was well enough to be engaged in it, but needed food fast. I felt bad about asking for food when no one else was getting any and kept silent. The submarine was interesting. No pictures were permitted because it was decaying and they had to keep it underwater to keep it preserved. But it looked nothing like you'd think of submarines today. I'm not lying when I say it was tin can with a candle inside to help the sailors know if they were running out of oxygen. They had enough room to sit in it and had to row if they wanted to go up or down. I can't believe people actually did that! They were the real pioneers.

Finally, it was time to head to the AFB to catch our plane home. There was a delay and we were standing in line for a loooong time. My head started to feel weird and I felt myself starting to go. I turned to Lt. Mom and asked if she had any snacks on her. She tossed me a granola bar and I ate it quickly. Finally got my sandwich afterwards and nothing had ever tasted so good.

We ended up getting home sooner than planned because a hurricane was passing through Florida. We had people on the plane going down there and we were suppose to do a sweep to FL before going back to GA, but they didn't want us stuck down there.

Overall, it was a whirlwind trip and I was happy to be home. It worried me because I knew exactly a month after, I'd be heading to Oshkosh. I had never gone more than one day outside in the heat/sun at an airshow before. One day usually knocked me out quite a bit and I didn't know how I'd be able to handle 6 days...