10:44pm. I'm about to crash... no, not literally, but I'm fighting a losing battle with my eyelids and the guy in the video is starting to speak gibberish. Two signs I know it's time to stop for the evening.
Only had 18 more minutes of video to go until I reached lesson 15. It's okay, I know I know... This isn't a race and as long as I'm moving forward, it's okay. I get it, I was just excited about reaching a new milestone. Better to stop now then to push forward and have to repeat them anyways because I was too tired to understand it. Can barely stay up long enough to make this post.
A thought did occur to me earlier tonight though - in order to take the written test, you must have it signed off by your instructor first. How am I going to get that signed off so I can take the test when I get there? I guess I just need to focus on moving forward for now and worry about that when the time comes. Gawd, I'm sleepy...
Election day tomorrow, hoping for another 80% test and blue skies. Ya know, I'm hoping it's just being sleepy, but I'm getting more and more worried Merlin may come after me. Not physically, but try to ruin my aviation career by getting me grounded. He does that to people that dare to cross him, you know... I do feel much lighter without him though. Should have done it sooner. Maybe he was a boat anchor. Just hope he leaves me alone though. I just want to fly...
Monday, November 5, 2012
The Private Pilot Practice Exam
I took two more practice tests today on my lunch break at work today. Put the ear buds in, turned the epic conquering music up and went to work with obtaining a passing score of 80% in mind. Each question I answered, I was chanting "80%, 80%, 80%" in my head.
...And the first time I didn't make it. Fell short by a lot actually. Then again, most of the randomized questions were about weather. I've yet to get to weather in my lessons yet.
No problem. Go over wrong answers, print out test. I'm getting this. I'm gonna make it. 80%, 80%, 80%... Restart epic conquering music. Set back to work again. Answer the questions I'm confident I know first and then go back to re-work the others. Fish around for a post-it note to calculate zulu from one time zone to another. Calculate magnetic heading... when two of the answers were 2 degrees off from one another. Check over answers, change one of them. I know one of them is a trick one, but I don't know the proper answer. Double check again. I'm not so sure... some of those questions are tripping me up. Am I gonna make it this time? I've checked enough times and need to stop second guessing myself. Time to see how I did. I position the mouse over the "Grade!" button and hold my breath... please, please, please, please.
The results come back: 80%!
I did it, I did it, I did it!!! My FIRST 80%!!!! I only have a little bit more to go and I'm almost there!!! First I need to make sure it's a consistent 80% all the time, every time and then go up from there. My boss was even excited for me and looked up the minimum score on the test - 70%. :)
...And the first time I didn't make it. Fell short by a lot actually. Then again, most of the randomized questions were about weather. I've yet to get to weather in my lessons yet.
No problem. Go over wrong answers, print out test. I'm getting this. I'm gonna make it. 80%, 80%, 80%... Restart epic conquering music. Set back to work again. Answer the questions I'm confident I know first and then go back to re-work the others. Fish around for a post-it note to calculate zulu from one time zone to another. Calculate magnetic heading... when two of the answers were 2 degrees off from one another. Check over answers, change one of them. I know one of them is a trick one, but I don't know the proper answer. Double check again. I'm not so sure... some of those questions are tripping me up. Am I gonna make it this time? I've checked enough times and need to stop second guessing myself. Time to see how I did. I position the mouse over the "Grade!" button and hold my breath... please, please, please, please.
The results come back: 80%!
I did it, I did it, I did it!!! My FIRST 80%!!!! I only have a little bit more to go and I'm almost there!!! First I need to make sure it's a consistent 80% all the time, every time and then go up from there. My boss was even excited for me and looked up the minimum score on the test - 70%. :)
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Aeronautical Navigation
Talked with my buddy RJ tonight - he's the one considering leaving the squadron for the other one I'm visiting in a couple of weeks. He's in the same boat I am ... or as he says, he was until this past weekend. He's fed up with Merlin, but Merlin hasn't been quite as much of an ass to him.
Merlin's and my email flame war continued until this morning and only stopped after I wrote back, "Sorry, but I'm not going to fight or argue anymore; this is stupid and even stupider through email". He hasn't replied since then.
I was quite moody all day. It's funny (not in a ha-ha sort of way, just ironic) that I avoid romantic relationships because of the ups-and-downs, the pain that comes with it and the messy breakup at the end. This feels like a messy break-up to me. I was in a "relationship" and didn't even know it.
RJ spent today with him and Merlin was asking him all sorts of weird questions, like "have you ever felt in danger around me? Have I ever done anything like that to you?". I laughed and said how in our email flame war, I had told him that I no longer trusted him. He shot back with "Why not, I have a flawless safety record". Dude, a flawless safety record doesn't build trust. RJ said it was well-deserved that I fired back that hard in an email to him and also told him he was part to blame for the problems in the squadron/the incident at the air show two weeks ago.
After I went into more depth, he gasped, "He used you". Yeah... that's what I've been saying. Everyone else too. Merlin denied it in the email, saying how I came forward on my own volition. Yeah, and no one set up the incident to happen - THAT part was an accident. And I did contact higher ups about it, which was what I should have done. But to you, it was serendipitous because it furthered your own agenda. He had been trying to get the commander out all along and what happened to me only pushed it along faster. I told him I was hurt by it, but didn't blame him - as a pilot, you have to do what is best for you being the PIC (pilot in command) and all. I'm aggressive like that towards aviation. I maybe won't throw someone under the bus to get there, but I will get there at all costs. I will do what's best for me to get there.
You know I'm beginning to learn? At first, being the only young female redheaded student in rooms full of older male pilots helped me stick out...in a good way. They were drawn to me and were more than willing to give me all the helped I needed. That's how I ended up with most of the sky brothers I have and during all of this, they have had my back and have assured me they won't let me fall or fail. They constantly compliment me (sometimes too much!) and tell me what a great pilot I am or will be. However, there's another side to all of this - I stick out so much that others who want to hold me down are attracted to me too. Instructors like Harpy and Merlin. They are the people that my sky brothers warn me about. So sticking out in aviation has its advantages and disadvantages.
In study news, I was learning about how to use a flight computer tonight. It looks sooo complicated (just like everything else in aviation)! But it's sooo easy to use and kind of a nifty tool, too! Plus, I'm using the one my mom had when she was training to be a pilot, so it's extra special. :) Trying to figure out the wind calculations has me a little off-course... but I'll figure it out.
Not quite through chapter 13 in the videos, but almost there. Maybe with a little extra push, I'll be able to get through the rest of 13 and 14 tomorrow night! I know this isn't a race and it's okay if I'm not finished by Saturday, but I'm still going to try.
Merlin's and my email flame war continued until this morning and only stopped after I wrote back, "Sorry, but I'm not going to fight or argue anymore; this is stupid and even stupider through email". He hasn't replied since then.
I was quite moody all day. It's funny (not in a ha-ha sort of way, just ironic) that I avoid romantic relationships because of the ups-and-downs, the pain that comes with it and the messy breakup at the end. This feels like a messy break-up to me. I was in a "relationship" and didn't even know it.
RJ spent today with him and Merlin was asking him all sorts of weird questions, like "have you ever felt in danger around me? Have I ever done anything like that to you?". I laughed and said how in our email flame war, I had told him that I no longer trusted him. He shot back with "Why not, I have a flawless safety record". Dude, a flawless safety record doesn't build trust. RJ said it was well-deserved that I fired back that hard in an email to him and also told him he was part to blame for the problems in the squadron/the incident at the air show two weeks ago.
After I went into more depth, he gasped, "He used you". Yeah... that's what I've been saying. Everyone else too. Merlin denied it in the email, saying how I came forward on my own volition. Yeah, and no one set up the incident to happen - THAT part was an accident. And I did contact higher ups about it, which was what I should have done. But to you, it was serendipitous because it furthered your own agenda. He had been trying to get the commander out all along and what happened to me only pushed it along faster. I told him I was hurt by it, but didn't blame him - as a pilot, you have to do what is best for you being the PIC (pilot in command) and all. I'm aggressive like that towards aviation. I maybe won't throw someone under the bus to get there, but I will get there at all costs. I will do what's best for me to get there.
You know I'm beginning to learn? At first, being the only young female redheaded student in rooms full of older male pilots helped me stick out...in a good way. They were drawn to me and were more than willing to give me all the helped I needed. That's how I ended up with most of the sky brothers I have and during all of this, they have had my back and have assured me they won't let me fall or fail. They constantly compliment me (sometimes too much!) and tell me what a great pilot I am or will be. However, there's another side to all of this - I stick out so much that others who want to hold me down are attracted to me too. Instructors like Harpy and Merlin. They are the people that my sky brothers warn me about. So sticking out in aviation has its advantages and disadvantages.
In study news, I was learning about how to use a flight computer tonight. It looks sooo complicated (just like everything else in aviation)! But it's sooo easy to use and kind of a nifty tool, too! Plus, I'm using the one my mom had when she was training to be a pilot, so it's extra special. :) Trying to figure out the wind calculations has me a little off-course... but I'll figure it out.
Not quite through chapter 13 in the videos, but almost there. Maybe with a little extra push, I'll be able to get through the rest of 13 and 14 tomorrow night! I know this isn't a race and it's okay if I'm not finished by Saturday, but I'm still going to try.
Weight & Balance
One thing about being a pilot is learning to trust your intuition. It's vital because it could save your life one day. That's true for life as well. Many lessons I've learned in aviation can also be used in life and vice versa.
Archie contacted Merlin, asking him if I could fly with them tomorrow. Merlin wrote back and said he would always fly with me and still wanted to help me in any way he could. I asked him why he deleted me from FB and he said because all of this CAP stuff has been rough on him, so he needs friends he can count on. I apparently wasn't there for him. Bravo Sierra - you deleted me because of aerobatics. Man up and don't lie. I know because he deleted me right after I made a post about flying aerobatics over Thanksgiving.
I exploded. Where the hell were you for me? I told him how upset I was at him using me during the air show situation two weeks ago. He told me I was wrong. No apology, no "I'm sorry you felt that way, but you misinterpreted my intentions". Just "you inferred things that were wrong". He tried calling me, but I wouldn't answer. So he emails back again, telling me he had to counsel other people about this situation. I exploded again. Dude, you realize that you make EVERY situation worse by dragging other people in, right? I told him that this was between us and I was upset we couldn't keep it between us. He didn't reply, but he's got me playing his game through an email flame war. I told him I was walking away and I meant it. I'm not doing this childish little thing anymore.
I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. He deleted me from FB to get a reaction from me and I fell for it. He tried to add me back by the way, but I didn't accept it. I'm contacting Archie in the morning and telling him I'm sorry, but I can't fly with Merlin. I tried, really I did. I tried TOO many times... We're just too different, or too alike.. I'm not sure which.
The commander who was helping me with my transfer has stepped down. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I have no one in my corner. Merlin normally goes after those that cross him.
In other aviation news, I was watching more videos tonight. It's gotten a lot harder - not the material, just finding motivation to watch them. It's taking longer to go through them and is like trudging through mud. Doesn't matter I guess, only as long as I continue to move forward. One of the lessons tonight was about weight & balance. I laughed, remembering trying to learn about this for the first time and how it seemed so hard. It's absolutely nothing now. I could literally do the calculations in my sleep now. So I'm starting now on chapter 13 out of 20. If I get to a chapter a day this week, I can finish by next Saturday. I'm gonna update you guys on my progress. One thing that I really enjoyed with Merlin was constantly updating him on my progress. It added momentum that way.
And minor milestone - this blog has officially hit 1,000 pageviews! Thank you!! :)
Archie contacted Merlin, asking him if I could fly with them tomorrow. Merlin wrote back and said he would always fly with me and still wanted to help me in any way he could. I asked him why he deleted me from FB and he said because all of this CAP stuff has been rough on him, so he needs friends he can count on. I apparently wasn't there for him. Bravo Sierra - you deleted me because of aerobatics. Man up and don't lie. I know because he deleted me right after I made a post about flying aerobatics over Thanksgiving.
I exploded. Where the hell were you for me? I told him how upset I was at him using me during the air show situation two weeks ago. He told me I was wrong. No apology, no "I'm sorry you felt that way, but you misinterpreted my intentions". Just "you inferred things that were wrong". He tried calling me, but I wouldn't answer. So he emails back again, telling me he had to counsel other people about this situation. I exploded again. Dude, you realize that you make EVERY situation worse by dragging other people in, right? I told him that this was between us and I was upset we couldn't keep it between us. He didn't reply, but he's got me playing his game through an email flame war. I told him I was walking away and I meant it. I'm not doing this childish little thing anymore.
I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. He deleted me from FB to get a reaction from me and I fell for it. He tried to add me back by the way, but I didn't accept it. I'm contacting Archie in the morning and telling him I'm sorry, but I can't fly with Merlin. I tried, really I did. I tried TOO many times... We're just too different, or too alike.. I'm not sure which.
The commander who was helping me with my transfer has stepped down. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I have no one in my corner. Merlin normally goes after those that cross him.
In other aviation news, I was watching more videos tonight. It's gotten a lot harder - not the material, just finding motivation to watch them. It's taking longer to go through them and is like trudging through mud. Doesn't matter I guess, only as long as I continue to move forward. One of the lessons tonight was about weight & balance. I laughed, remembering trying to learn about this for the first time and how it seemed so hard. It's absolutely nothing now. I could literally do the calculations in my sleep now. So I'm starting now on chapter 13 out of 20. If I get to a chapter a day this week, I can finish by next Saturday. I'm gonna update you guys on my progress. One thing that I really enjoyed with Merlin was constantly updating him on my progress. It added momentum that way.
And minor milestone - this blog has officially hit 1,000 pageviews! Thank you!! :)
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Heavy Pt. 2
Had a chat with one of my pilot buddies before going out tonight. Remember one of the first pilots I flew with in CAP - the one that I suspected had recently gotten into a crash? Yeah, I talked with him. He still calls me "the brave one" after I flew with him that time. He reminds me of an owl for some reason, but "owl" just didn't fit. I'll go with Archimedes (Archie).
He knew what happened with the Commander and asked how I was doing. I told him I was looking to transfer. He also transferred after the first incident with the Commander confronting Merlin about the miscommunication in scheduling. Archie transferred not to another squadron, but to group (which manages over a bunch of squadrons). Seemed all of Merlin's buddies were transferring there. He tentatively offered and never brought it up again. I didn't bring it up because if I wasn't happy at the squadron level, then why would I want to go to the group level?
So he asked where I was transferring and I told him I was going over to PDK. He asked why so far away and I explained how I've heard good things about them. He warned against me flying at PDK because it was so busy of an airport. Please... it was the first one I ever flew out of and it's like my home away from home. I'm happy to be heading back there. I just don't have the same fondness for McCullum.
He told me to come to group with them. I said no and without going into depth, told him that Merlin and I weren't on good terms anymore. He said he found that hard to believe, as he had lunch with him Tuesday and Merlin does nothing but prattle on about me. I said how he had just deleted me from FB today, so I figured it was pretty much over.
Archie explained that was just Merlin's personality and he's been going through a lot lately, so I shouldn't take it personally. I indicated it was childish and he said so was getting mad at someone for deleting you from FB. Point taken.
He asked me to give him another chance because he's the "best" instructor. And as that may be, HE deleted ME. Doesn't matter even if I give him another chance. Although Archie said he'd be able to teach me, however, would prefer if I was able to patch things up with Merlin. He made me promise to come to a group meeting or two and go flying with him (Archie) before I'd join PDK. I told him I was just attending a few meetings first and was actually going to check out two squadrons before I made up my mind.
I just want my flying journal to be about actual flying again instead of all this gobbledygook. I just want to fly, have fun and get my license. No more drama. I got a horrible thought as I began typing this that even though I thought it was over, I don't think Merlin will ever leave me alone. I'm starting to regret ever joining the CAP. The education has been invaluable and I got to experience so many things & different types of planes in such a short time. Unfortunately, humans also got involved. I desperately want the next squadron to be different... but I'm not getting my hopes up. People are people, no matter where you go.
He knew what happened with the Commander and asked how I was doing. I told him I was looking to transfer. He also transferred after the first incident with the Commander confronting Merlin about the miscommunication in scheduling. Archie transferred not to another squadron, but to group (which manages over a bunch of squadrons). Seemed all of Merlin's buddies were transferring there. He tentatively offered and never brought it up again. I didn't bring it up because if I wasn't happy at the squadron level, then why would I want to go to the group level?
So he asked where I was transferring and I told him I was going over to PDK. He asked why so far away and I explained how I've heard good things about them. He warned against me flying at PDK because it was so busy of an airport. Please... it was the first one I ever flew out of and it's like my home away from home. I'm happy to be heading back there. I just don't have the same fondness for McCullum.
He told me to come to group with them. I said no and without going into depth, told him that Merlin and I weren't on good terms anymore. He said he found that hard to believe, as he had lunch with him Tuesday and Merlin does nothing but prattle on about me. I said how he had just deleted me from FB today, so I figured it was pretty much over.
Archie explained that was just Merlin's personality and he's been going through a lot lately, so I shouldn't take it personally. I indicated it was childish and he said so was getting mad at someone for deleting you from FB. Point taken.
He asked me to give him another chance because he's the "best" instructor. And as that may be, HE deleted ME. Doesn't matter even if I give him another chance. Although Archie said he'd be able to teach me, however, would prefer if I was able to patch things up with Merlin. He made me promise to come to a group meeting or two and go flying with him (Archie) before I'd join PDK. I told him I was just attending a few meetings first and was actually going to check out two squadrons before I made up my mind.
I just want my flying journal to be about actual flying again instead of all this gobbledygook. I just want to fly, have fun and get my license. No more drama. I got a horrible thought as I began typing this that even though I thought it was over, I don't think Merlin will ever leave me alone. I'm starting to regret ever joining the CAP. The education has been invaluable and I got to experience so many things & different types of planes in such a short time. Unfortunately, humans also got involved. I desperately want the next squadron to be different... but I'm not getting my hopes up. People are people, no matter where you go.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Heavy
Even Wart had to say goodbye to Merlin at one point.
DB Merlin deleted me off of Facebook today. I got a bad feeling right before it happened, checked it and then it blew me away to see it. I think maybe my joyous post about aerobatics got to him. I did end up sending him a brief, gracious message about how I was sorry that things didn't work out... because I am, honestly. That's the type of person I am - when relationships don't work out, I feel somewhat responsible. I wanted it to work out too, I really did. But what you want to happen and what actually does happen are too different things, unfortunately.
I knew it wasn't working and I knew it was probably going to end soon. Honestly, I had been watching FB for a few days for it to happen. Doesn't mean I'm prepared for it to happen when it does though. Suspecting something will happen is much different than when it actually does happen. I learned that when my last serious relationship ended, too - almost 3 years to the day. Odd how life events coincide like that sometimes.
Like I said yesterday: "Keep Moving Forward". Things are beyond sucky right now, but they'll turn out for the best. I KNOW they will. I have to keep believing they will.
DB Merlin deleted me off of Facebook today. I got a bad feeling right before it happened, checked it and then it blew me away to see it. I think maybe my joyous post about aerobatics got to him. I did end up sending him a brief, gracious message about how I was sorry that things didn't work out... because I am, honestly. That's the type of person I am - when relationships don't work out, I feel somewhat responsible. I wanted it to work out too, I really did. But what you want to happen and what actually does happen are too different things, unfortunately.
I knew it wasn't working and I knew it was probably going to end soon. Honestly, I had been watching FB for a few days for it to happen. Doesn't mean I'm prepared for it to happen when it does though. Suspecting something will happen is much different than when it actually does happen. I learned that when my last serious relationship ended, too - almost 3 years to the day. Odd how life events coincide like that sometimes.
Like I said yesterday: "Keep Moving Forward". Things are beyond sucky right now, but they'll turn out for the best. I KNOW they will. I have to keep believing they will.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Clear Prop!
Merlin offered me a free flight. I declined. I can't fly with someone I don't trust.
One thing I learned about the mud-obstacle race I was in - it doesn't matter if you fall down in the mud or even how many times you fall. All that matters is if you pick yourself back up and continue to keep moving forward.
I've been discouraged lately and my motivation has been low. Tonight I pushed through a few more video lessons regardless. I also emailed Greg Koontz (the aerobatic performer I met at Oshkosh) about aerobatics and the PDK CAP Squadron about transferring.
I'm Supergirl and nothing's going to keep me on the ground.
One thing I learned about the mud-obstacle race I was in - it doesn't matter if you fall down in the mud or even how many times you fall. All that matters is if you pick yourself back up and continue to keep moving forward.
I've been discouraged lately and my motivation has been low. Tonight I pushed through a few more video lessons regardless. I also emailed Greg Koontz (the aerobatic performer I met at Oshkosh) about aerobatics and the PDK CAP Squadron about transferring.
I'm Supergirl and nothing's going to keep me on the ground.
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