Respect

A month ago tomorrow Oshkosh ended. I still need to update about it, but one story from my adventure I'll share now because it has to do with events that occurred last night.

One of the first panels I went to at Oshkosh was an American F-4 pilot, Gen. Dan Cherry, and a Vietnamese MiG pilot, Hong My Nguyen, who were friends after trying to kill each other in war. Gen. Cherry very nearly succeeded, shooting the wing off of the MiG and causing Hong My to parachute out. Gen. Cherry wonders if the other pilot survived, and 30 years later they met  face-to-face. The meeting results in them becoming friends. If that wasn't amazing enough, Hong My needs an interpreter to speak English. They have a language barrier between them and they still became close friends!!

I was sitting there, listening to their story in awe and admit I got a little misty-eyed. Hong My says through his interpreter that they were never enemies; just soldiers on separate sides of the war. Can you imagine that??? Someone tries to shoot you down and you barely escape with your life and decades later, you have the maturity and wisdom to move past it because you realize it wasn't personal. Wow... just wow... It certainly speaks volumes about his character. Not many of us have that kind of insight and clarity.

As I was sitting there listening to their remarkable story, I was just blown away by Hong My's overall positive attitude. I started thinking that if these two guys can get past their differences after this and become close friends, then the rest of us should be embarrassed for the petty differences that we let drive us apart. People drop each other from facebook because of a political disagreement. Grown people get into one another's faces over something as simple as a miscommunication. Shame on all of us. If these two men can become friends, then we have no excuses for our behavior. If they can get along, then why can't we?

I describe Oshkosh as paradise and I'm not exaggerating. While I was there, someone said there was rumored to be a million people in attendance. I just looked up the actual figures that were released not too long ago - 508,000. 1/2 a million. Regardless, still a big number in such a small place.

So for one week, 508,000 people got along in harmony. I'm sure there had to be arguments/disagreements, but if there were, I never saw them. One of the things I miss the most and find the hardest to let go of was how everyone treated each other with respect. We all came from different places (states, countries), came from different backgrounds, were involved in the aviation world in different ways, had different ages, different genders, & different colors. There were 1st years, like me, and there were people who had been there since the beginning. You had the Homebuilders, the Warbirds, the Experimentals, and the Ultralights. There were other student pilots like me, CFI's, professional airline guys, weekend flyers, aerobatic pilots, fellow air show groupies, military pilots, and probably much more I'm forgetting. And probably we each overlapped more than one of those categories. So many differences.... yet we all came together for one thing in common: aviation.

Suddenly none of those differences mattered. I was treated as an equal during my stay. One pilot told me that he was an engineer and used to think the best pilots were engineers, but then he came to Oshkosh and was proved wrong by the vast number of pilots who don't have an engineering background.

I spent time with homebuilders and aerobatic pilots, who treated me just like one of them. Why? "Because I would be one of them" was one of their responses.

We had our differences (I'm sure), but they never came up. We were able to come together because of our love for one thing and differences didn't matter. It's how strangers became like family in the mere span of one week. People smiled and said "hello" when you walked past them. It was so easy to strike up conversations with people - you were always sharing a seat with a random person on the bus or sharing a picnic table at lunch with new people. We had the best ice breaking questions in the world - "Where are you from?", "Did you fly or drive here?", "Are you a pilot?". The area was as clean as a golf course because people picked up a piece of trash if they saw it on the ground; didn't matter if it belonged to them or not. Everyone was equal. We concentrated on what brought us together, rather than what tore us apart.

Something happened to me while I was there. I built an intolerance for people fighting. I never particularly liked fighting, but I loved politics and would jump into the fray when people got into heated debates. For some reason, it hurts my ears now. If someone tries to engage me in a fight or create unnecessary drama, I walk away. If someone is fighting around me and tries to pull me in, I walk away. Simple as that.

I guess I always tolerated it because I thought it was human nature to fight. Sure peace would be nice in a perfect world, but it couldn't exist because our nature as humans was to fight since we were just so different. Oshkosh taught me differently - 508,000 people living in respectful harmony for 8 or 9 days. I'm not idealistic enough to think it would last permanently if Oshkosh was 365 days a year... but why can't the rest of us at least try?

Unfortunately, I haven't enjoyed CAP since returning. I think part of it is the lack of equality there. I get it- I really do, they have titles and ranks, so of course it can't be "equal". But it bothered me a lot since returning and I felt there was something else that felt off. Last night (I won't go into too much detail), but it hit me what it was - not the titles or the ranks, but the respect. You can still have seniority over someone and keep the respect in tact. Everyone deserves respect regardless of rank or title.We're all volunteers who love aviation and want to help people. If that isn't enough to bring everyone together, I don't know what is.

Well, last night was a complete lack of respect. Involved a simple miscommunication that erupted into something much worse. It imploded from the inside out and the two guys who had the problem with one another pulled everyone else into the middle of it, which I did not appreciate. I almost feel we've never graduated from the sandbox on the playground and one kid is crying because another smooshed his sand castle. Geez... c'mon now. I've got way too much to do with my own goals and studying to waste time on pettiness like that.

You guys know how much I love CAP. I've met so many great people and have learned so much since joining. I couldn't figure out why I was unhappy there since coming back from Oshkosh. Part of the reason I missed last week's meeting to go off to the EAA meeting was to take a small break from them. I didn't want to hate them, so figured a small break would help. I was happy to find out it was just what I needed and I was ecstatic to return this week. In addition this week, my computer had died and I was a little sick, but still had managed to stay on schedule and accomplished a lot with regards to aviation and CAP training. I was on top of the world and practically skipped off to the meeting. My goals were finally coming together and I got the feeling that I might actually make it. That, by the way, is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

Then I got to the meeting, not feeling very respected by what occurred and not feeling well to top it all off... and well, I'm now contemplating taking a few weeks off. Who knows if it has settled down, so might as well back off for a bit to let things settle before returning back. I've gotten to the point where I don't care who is "right" and who is "wrong"; you are both wrong for fighting and disrespecting each other.

On another note -Not so much aerospace related, but I've started taking classes on Khan Academy and having an absolute blast! I've learned that learning things makes me happy. Looks like this website will help towards two of my short term goals, too!

Anyways, that's all for now. Glad to finally have a computer back! Yikes- we're heading into the last week of August next week!!! I wanted to shoot for my written about the 1st week of September... guh...

In a galaxy far, far away...

Guess who just finished the Officer Basic Course? THIS GIRL!!!!!!!   20 days, 3 modules, and about 40 lessons. Not as big as passing my written with flying colors, but am still pretty stoked. :)

I've been training and studying like a demon lately and it's been going pretty well. Even considering my computer died at home (motherboard went out) and I've got a little chest cold, complete with cough and laryngitis. Pretty good to stay on top of everything (studying & physical training), especially with losing a computer and not feeling 100%. On a related note, if updates are more sparse than normal, lack of computer is why. I hope to have that remedied this weekend though (can't live w/o my computer!).

Merlin and I had 3 hr ground school study session together Saturday evening. Overall, I'd say it was productive, for the most part. Still a little mad over some things that were said, but oddly enough, the night before, I had a dream about the whole situation:

I had had enough. In the last two weeks, my car had broken down and my computer had just broken down. There were many days that I just wanted to walk out at work because I was frustrated and even CAP wasn't fun anymore. So I just took off - back to WI. Hopped into the car and didn't look back. Of course my car couldn't handle the journey, so it broke down on the way there. I didn't care - I was going to make it there any way possible, so I got out of the car and walked the rest of the way there.

The sun was rising when I arrived. It was the most beautiful site I had ever seen. I was tired and exhausted, but I had finally made it back to my paradise. I fell to my knees and kissed the ground.

"What are you doing here?", came a voice behind me.

I turned around to see a Mother-type figure, dressed like a Grecian Goddess, shimmering in the sun. I knew instantly she was the Spirit of Oshkosh. Really she might have been WI, Oshkosh and Madison combined, as I called her "Madison". A Goddess-type, in any case. Her tone wasn't accusatory; more one of disbelief. I ran to her and hugged her fiercely, as tears ran down both of our cheeks.

"Don't get me wrong, I AM happy to see you, my daughter, but it is not your time to come back here yet. Why are you here?", she continued as she returned my intense hug.

I began to explain to her how homesick I've been and how everything had been going wrong since I returned to Atlanta. My home - my true home- was Oshkosh and I was never leaving again.

She took my face in her hands and looked deeply into my eyes. "I know how hard it is to miss someone you love; I've missed you for 30 years", she smiled sadly. "But you know that your place is in Atlanta, not here. I wouldn't have sent you back if I didn't think you could handle it. You must go back."

I shook my head like a little kid about to have a tantrum and said "No! I won't go back. My place is here, with you", and I started to cry. I stopped mid-sob and remembered something, which made me smile triumphantly. "Besides, I can't go back. My car broke down on the way here."

She smiled sadly. "I've already called for someone to take you home".

My mouth dropped open, searching her eyes... wondering how could she have--?

And that's when I heard the elevator ding behind me. The hair stood up on the back of my neck. We were outside at beautiful Oshkosh Airport, so the ding of an elevator sounded very ominous to me. It shouldn't have had a place there. She gazes towards the elevator and I follow her gaze. The elevator isn't apart of Oshkosh; it's the Death Star. The doors open... and Darth Vader walks out with two of the Emperor's guards.

I turn back to her with horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I WON'T GO WITH HIM!!"

She looks as me with pained eyes, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear in a motherly gesture. "You have to".

Darth walks up closer, but stops a few feet away still keeping his distance. He watches the whole scene impassively and doesn't say a word. The sound of his breathing is the only sound.

"BUT HE HATES ME!!!", I scream. Then giving him the most deadly glare I can muster, my voice falls to a whisper as I continue talking to the spirit, while looking at him, "And he hates you". I want her to realize the person he really is. Darth doesn't react at all and just continues breathing evenly, as though we both know who is going to win this battle.

Madison only laughs and hugs me, "My dear, you confuse hate with jealousy. He doesn't hate either of us". In true mother fashion, she turns my face around gently to look into my eyes. "No one who hates you would come all this way just to take you back home."

I looked out of the corner of my eye to gauge his reaction. Nothing. I looked back as Madison continued: "He is my child too, just like you, and that makes him your brother. Believe me, I wouldn't send you back with him if it wasn't what was best for you. "

She hugged me tightly once again, whispering "Time to go". I nodded and the tears started to flow again. She looked over the top of my head, directly at Darth as she hugged me and said, "This girl is very, very precious to me. Watch over her."

He nodded once without a word and turned in one quick movement to walk back to the elevator. He didn't hold out his hand to me or even look back to see if I was following. Madison released me and I fell in step on his left side.

~*~

I think this dream comes from a friend relating my aviation life to Star Wars. In any case, it helped a little and I was able to go to the study session with a smile on my face. It helped me understand my waking like a little bit better and helped me see it from a different POV - "evil" DV goes a long distance to bring back his sister who ran away, dispite being all "tough love" and stuff... and she's being a whiny brat, refusing to go back with him. It must have hurt even though he might not have reacted to the conversation, but it didn't mean he wasn't listening and it didn't affect him. Maybe DV isn't "evil"; just misunderstood.


On a semi-related note, being a Star Wars fan my entire life, it just now occurred to me that DV and Luke were both pilots. LOL

The following night after I had the dream, I swore I heard DV's breathing as I fell to sleep. It was strangely comforting and unnerving at the same time.

So far this week, I've completed a section in my textbook each night! Booyah! I'm feeling sooo warm fuzzy by everything I've been accomplishing lately and am on top of the world! Onwards and upwards!!

1st EAA Meeting

Just got back from my first EAA meeting. It was like visiting the Warbird camp at Oshkosh - ALLLLLL WWII pilots. Made for some interesting stories and one guy spoke about his A-4 training in the war. He was a Marine, so it reminded me of Grampie alittle and I started missing him.

At first, they left me alone for the first part, but after the talk, a few got curious and came over to talk to me. I dunno why I get so nervous at these things. I mean, I know it's intimidating at first, but my shy meter overflows and I can barely say a "meep".

I met the two guys who are building RV-7's and they said I can definitely help them. They all asked about my flight training and once again, get BIG reactions when I tell them what I'm training in. One guy said that it was a very difficult plane to start training in. Yeah, you are telling me... 

Overall, pretty good... but it just made me miss things more. I miss Grampie, I miss Oshkosh.  I even missed CAP a little, which is good, I guess... I'm halfway convinced I'm still gonna take off one of these days. Regardless, I need to start making big changes in my life, starting now.

I'm sleepy after yesterday, but I have 9 pages to read before I knock off for the night. Getting a scratchy throat, so I definitely can't go past 11pm tonight.

A little more bragging...

Not aviation related, but I have started back running again in an attempt to conquer this race next year in March. It's my second time back running since February, after the Zombie 5k. I had set a goal of breaking 40 minutes tonight in the 5k. Not good, but I'm working up to it.

I finished in 38 minutes... and came home to follow it up with 200 crunches and 25 girly push-ups. I took a break to wash up and eat dinner.

Then I logged onto CAP to finish the second block of Basic Officer Training!!!!!! BOOYAH!!!!!
I wanted to keep it going and finish the chapter in my textbook about airspace, which I only have 9 pages to go until that's completed. However, I'm currently in violation of one of my personal minimums - lights out at 11pm. I've been better about getting to bed at that time this week and it's important for me to get my rest, which is why I shouldn't violate it.

Would it feel totally awesome to complete the chapter in my textbook tonight just to say I did allllllll of those things in one night?? You bet. Was I completely understanding what I read at the time I decided to stop? No. Basic Operational Risk Management - rushing through things in aviation or hold back talking to ATC because of pride can lead to accidents. Although, no accidents could have occurred in this instant and I wasn't in any danger, I need to start thinking like this... about everything. Pushing through when I was already tired just to say I did it wouldn't matter much when I'd have to re-read everything again later anyways because I didn't understand it the first time through. And this isn't a race. I know I'm discouraged about how long it's taking... but if it takes a little longer and it's done right, then that's all that matters. Besides, I can finish that chapter tomorrow. ;)

Plus, I have my first EAA meeting tomorrow!!!!!!! I need to make sure I'm not overly tired for work and have enough energy remaining to go meet all of them tomorrow!!! I'MSOOOEXCITED!!!!

Like everyday, I saw a few things that reminded me of Oshkosh today and was happy to note that they made me feel stronger instead of sad, as they had been making me feel lately. I watched a video about this past year at Oshkosh, with a smile on my face, thinking "Wow, I DID that! By myself. I did that... "... and then "I miss you" ran through my head as the sadness came running through. Okay, so not perfect... but getting better. I much rather prefer to have my experience strengthen me, rather than make into a teary mess.

So - 5k in 38 min, 200 crunches, 25 girly push-ups, made dinner and finished the 2nd part of the Basic Officer Training. Not to mention, studied out of the book a little. Not too shabby. Not too bad at all. :)

Quick Briefing

Taking a quick break from studying to update. Just realized it's been 9 days (wow, where does the time go?!?!) since my last check-in.

Had a marathon study session last night. 1/2 the night was doing the Officer Basic Course for CAP and 1/2 was answering aviation questions from my textbook. I was focused like I have never been focused before. Merlin told me during his studying, he'd take a 5 minute ELT break at the top of the hour. An ELT (Electronic Locator Transmitter) is an alarm that goes off when the plane goes down/crashes so people can find you. To test them to make sure they are working, pilots test them during the first 5 minutes at the top of the hour so anyone listening will know that there isn't an emergency. I tried it last night and it worked beautifully. Even tried it today at work. Fantastic!

Speaking about Merlin... I dunno. I just don't know. We talked, but... I don't know. I just wished he believed in me. Oh well, that's what family and friends are for, amirite?

I felt good about last night until it turned my brain into mush. Had a dream it turned into oatmeal and I was using earplugs to keep it from leaking out, but wondering how to go about measuring it in inches of mercury. Way to bring aviation into my dreams!  Had another one a few nights earlier that my written test was the following day and I was stressed because I couldn't sleep but stressed more because I knew I needed my sleep and couldn't get it. I sat up with a start, remembering that Merlin hadn't signed my book yet and I couldn't take the test without that. I stressed even more because that would mean it was September and I thought it was only August... I need to stop stressing.

Has two flights this past weekend. One training for CAP Mission Observer and one flight training. I think the MO training went very well and I was getting more comfortable with the equipment. Some things I didn't know, but it was my first time seeing them, so it was okay. Then I was back in the Diamond for a *gulp* night flight. My first ever night flight eons ago left me kind of nervous about them, but it's been forever since I've flown, so I was willing to get whatever I could. Good news: I took off for the first time ever at night! And my taxiing improved from the last few times (did I mention that I started sucking at that again lately?) and was in the dark to boot. Not too shabby.

However, being in the air at night made my palms sweaty...and the G1000 in the Diamond overwhelmed me again. Whenever I visualize flying in a plane, it's with the round gauges. So I was in sensory overload with the novelty of the night setting and the unfamiliarity of the G1000 setup. It was kinda funny though - we had to call RYY as we were coming in and the ATC says back "Ok, I'll bring up the lights for ya". LOL omg... WHY weren't the lights on?!?!

My mom told me a story about her landing at night one time and the airport was closed. A guy had to get out of bed, and help her land by driving his truck ahead of where she needed to land!!!

I didn't get to land this time. As nervous as it made me, I think I would have still liked to try it. I got very, very frustrated again after that flight.

Anyways, taking a break from CAP this week to check out the local EAA meeting!!! I'm very excited!! :)   There's two guys in the area building RV-7's, one building an RV-6 and one building a Sub Sonex!!! They look like all older guys... but, hey, I'm used to that. ;)

On the studying agenda, I have 5 lessons to go until I've finished the 2nd block of the CAP Officer Basic Course and hope (fingers crossed!) to finish yet another chapter in my private pilot textbook tonight.  

Bragging Rights

Just completed the first module in Officer Basic Training for CAP! 11 lessons in 3 days (well...3 days and Thurs PM)!! I'm 1/3 of the way through!! :)  Expect nothing less from the girl who drove straight through Georgia to Wisconsin in 14 hrs and 40 minutes (14 hrs, 21 min on the way back).

That gave me a nice lil ego boost and makes me feel a little better about tomorrow.

FYI - Officer Basic Training is a bunch of little lessons on leadership, group decisions, problem solving, mentorship, conflict management, etc. Each reading is only 8-11 pages and I'm given a 10 question quiz at the end of each lesson, which a require passing score of 80% for each lesson. Doesn't pertain to flying per se, but a lot of these lessons are good for my job and day-to-day life.

The next one might take a little longer - it's 18 lessons instead of 11. ;)

The USS Yorktown

I said I would update Sunday (July 1st), but once again the adrenaline fooled me and I was much more tired than I realized. Plus, I'm sure the adrenaline crash and this weekend's high temps didn't help. I got all of my chores finished in the morning hours and stayed indoors for the afternoon. The plan was to just watch movies, read a book, do light cleaning, etc. I sat down to read a book, nodded off, woke up, read some more and nodded off again. It's okay; we all need days like that sometimes. Today, I'm more than just tired. I think a sinus infection that I've been keeping at bay has found it's opening in my exhaustion. My pride hesitates to admit it to myself, but the pain in my ears, throat and sinuses is persuading me to give in and get help. Flying and sinus problems do not mix and continuing to fly when my sinuses are already giving me problems will not help. God, I feel like crap. I don't think there's any pain worse than the one you get in your ears.

On another note, lately I've had other people ask me to teach them about aviation. I have to laugh - me, teach you about aviation? I don't know anything yet! Apparently some people disagree with that. It's weird. Although I think more things are sticking in my head and I know a lot more than when I started. Not sure it's enough to start teaching someone else, but... yano. One of the coolest things is when Merlin asks me something that he's certain I do not know, and I answer it anyways. The look of shock on his face is priceless. "How did you know that?!", he'll exclaim. I dunno... mostly it's dumb luck. Many times when that's occurred, I have JUST gone over that material in the book or videos.

Anyways, The USS Yorktown. We left on Friday night. It was a Graduation Friday at work and those tend to run late usually. I had planned things out ahead of time to make sure I'd leave on time. Fortunately for me that I did that, for as you can control things, you cannot control students. Students had a much different plan and kept me at work until 7pm. We needed to meet for the trip at 8:30pm. A little bit of a rush, but everything was fine. We loaded up into cars and were driven onto Dobbins ARB. Our plane didn't arrive until 10pm, so we had plenty of time to sit around and chat. We were all in uniform and were told that polo shirts/gray skirts were permissible, but when I got there, everyone else was in BDU's (battle dress uniform). I was jealous and wanted to be like all of them. :(  However, I got to talk with some of the other female seniors who were going on the trip. I need to think up callsigns for them... So our plane (a C-17!!!!) finally came in, but we were delayed due to lightning. Finally, they see a break in it and we have to run to our plane because they are behind. Unfortunately, no pictures were permitted of the flight line, but we could take pictures in the plane. She was beautiful though.

We got onboard and got seated. The seats were facing sideways and there were no windows. Another girl who is a pilot and I tried closing our eyes to feel which way the plane was going. It had really steep banks and could go pretty fast. I wish I knew just how high and how fast we were going though.

Seating on the C-17

By the time we landed, got loaded onto buses, got dropped off at the hotel and got checked into our rooms, it was 2am. We had to get up at 7:30am. There were 4 of us in the room together - the other pilot female, her sister and the one that calls herself  "Lt. Mom", even though she's a Captain. We discussed who was going to take showers when and split them up two and two. Everyone wanted to crash then and also, no one really wanted to take them in the morning. Lt. Mom and I took them that evening though. I was sharing a bed with her and asked if she minded wet hair. lol She looked at me and said "It's not like I'm going to cuddle with you". We all cracked up. She always says funny things like that.

Lt. Mom was one of the first people I met at CAP and she really does act like the squadron Mom. She actually told me that I was in the wrong trailer, as she thought I was a Cadet. When I told her that I felt left out because everyone was wearing BDU's but me, she helped me get some last Thursday. I had trouble buttoning the blouse and she helped me, saying she really earns her nickname. And when we both have time, she's going to go combat boot shopping with me! I'm so excited! I really like her. She wants to start flight training with Merlin too. That would be soooo much fun!! She was training to be a pilot when she was younger, but stopped because she was pregnant and thought it was too dangerous. As she says now, "pregnant isn't an excuse anymore".

allll the time.

Our Cozy bunks.

We explored that ship from top to bottom. Hard to believe people actually lived on there for months, maybe even years, at a time. Got to hang out with all the other female Seniors all day. We took a break for lunch and got to eat it on the deck, which was awesome. The view was spectacular! The male seniors came out there, too, and we all chatted excitedly together. Come to find out that our bunks were much more luxurious than theirs... and we took the opportunity to rub it in. ;)  Ours were nestled in a cute little alcove with one stacked on top of another. Theirs were piled 4 high and they had to stagger themselves because once they climbed up into it, it would sag. HAHAHAHA Then one of them grumbles, "I think you have more room in the casket when you die". We laughed soooooooo hard! Poor boys.

The boy's bunks looked something like this... only stacked 4 high.

Afterwards, we took off and explored more of the ship. I think I took about 210 pictures total. We had an absolute blast! And one of the female seniors (the one who set up the whole trip) kept talking about ghosts on the ship and how we were going to go ghost hunting at night! I think I'll dub her "Spirit" because she was so much into the whole ghost hunting and she's very lively. We all took turns posing in the Captain's chair, taking pictures of one another. Spirit would try the handle of every door, turn every knob and flip every switch we saw. It was like a maze inside of that ship and it was sooo hot too! Very muggy in Charleston that weekend and our bunks was the only part of it that had AC, but the rest of the ship was open.

Spirit turning a knob.

Dinner was served in the mess hall. There were a lot of groups there that weekend, so we had set times when we could eat. We stood in line, got a tray and food was plopped on it. There was a choice between pasta and chicken, but the pasta had meat in it. No vegetarian meals. You eat what you are given or go hungry. We had just enough time to shovel all of the food into our mouths before the group behind us needed to come in. And that was just as well, as we were all VERY hungry after exploring the ship all day.

There were activities on-board the ship for us, like movies and such. They were showing a movie about the ship and one about the Blue Angels. I was tempted, but at the same time, they were giving a guided tour on the flight deck. Blue Angels I <3, but I went for the flight deck tour. It was hot and unbearable. I HURT by that point and it was hard to stay still. Lt. Mom came with me and some of the other male seniors went as well, but Spirit continued to explore the ship with the two sisters.

At night, some of the cadets went ghost hunting and of course, so did we. We even played the part of the ghosts sometimes. :)

Sleeping on the boat wasn't very easy because we could hear EVERYTHING! Everyone was told not to shower between the hours of 11pm and 7am because everyone could hear everything. We even made it back early so we could shower within that time. Some people did not listen and were up past midnight showering and talking loudly and then got up the next morning at 5:30am doing the same thing. The lack of sleep and heat gave me a migraine.

The migraine/upset stomach wouldn't let me eat breakfast the next morning. I tried and tried, knowing I'd have a long day ahead of me with an empty stomach. It was grits too - YUCK! I hate those when I'm feeling 100%. Spirit told the other seniors to look out for me the rest of the day, which I slightly resented at first. She said I was too shy to let anyone know how I was feeling and would push on. I said it was pride, not shyness. We took a driving tour of Charleston and I passed out in the car. Between the nap and continuously drinking water, I was able to bounce back. By the time lunch came around, I was ready for some food.

But we went to go see a museum about a submarine. At least I was well enough to be engaged in it, but needed food fast. I felt bad about asking for food when no one else was getting any and kept silent. The submarine was interesting. No pictures were permitted because it was decaying and they had to keep it underwater to keep it preserved. But it looked nothing like you'd think of submarines today. I'm not lying when I say it was tin can with a candle inside to help the sailors know if they were running out of oxygen. They had enough room to sit in it and had to row if they wanted to go up or down. I can't believe people actually did that! They were the real pioneers.

Finally, it was time to head to the AFB to catch our plane home. There was a delay and we were standing in line for a loooong time. My head started to feel weird and I felt myself starting to go. I turned to Lt. Mom and asked if she had any snacks on her. She tossed me a granola bar and I ate it quickly. Finally got my sandwich afterwards and nothing had ever tasted so good.

We ended up getting home sooner than planned because a hurricane was passing through Florida. We had people on the plane going down there and we were suppose to do a sweep to FL before going back to GA, but they didn't want us stuck down there.

Overall, it was a whirlwind trip and I was happy to be home. It worried me because I knew exactly a month after, I'd be heading to Oshkosh. I had never gone more than one day outside in the heat/sun at an airshow before. One day usually knocked me out quite a bit and I didn't know how I'd be able to handle 6 days...

Creating Lift

Reconnecting with friends this weekend really helped. Turns out R2 had once gone through exactly what I'm going through. She emphasized that the paradise in my head does not exist now and I need to keep remembering that. Just before I left to meet her for dinner, I was looking at apartments in Madison, which made me think I was loosing my mind. Had to remind myself that I would not survive -20 below F temps in the winter. R2 said it just takes time and I'll re-adjust. Frankly, I'm not sure I want to re-adjust, but I'm less likely to drop everything and run away.

It is hard when I see something that reminds me of it... which is multiple times a day. It just hurts so bad to see things that remind me of it. For now, I guess I'll have to make due with visiting Oshkosh in my dreams at night and keeping the Spirit of Oshkosh in my heart during the day while I'm awake.

I joked with R2 at dinner about still having my Airventure bracelet on and about how I should probably take it off if I want to heal. She said maybe, but also maybe tie to a goal or accomplishment and that'll make it easier to take off because it'll be celebratory, rather than a sad event. So I think I'm going to keep it on until I solo... or until it falls off. That's a pretty good goal, I think. :)

In other news, having coffee with Merlin tomorrow night to discuss a game plan for getting this all accomplished, so we'll have to see where that goes. Wish me luck! (cuz I'm gonna need it...) In true pilot fashion, I am two steps ahead no matter what the outcome may be. When asked how I was going to get up to Oshkosh, my answer was "By any way possible" when I didn't know how I was going to go about doing that. My answer is the same for getting my pilot's license. I want to get it this year, aerobatics or no aerobatics. And how am I going to do that? By any way possible. I'm a little afraid because I can anticipate of which direction its going to go, but goals mean everything to me and I'll follow them to the ends of the Earth, no matter which direction they take me.

I'm wavering on attending the CAP meeting this week. Last week left such a bad taste in my mouth and maybe I need some space so I don't end up hating it completely. I had no idea how the magnitude of Oshkosh would impact my life. I'd do it all again (and plan to do it all again), but it's been such a earthquake on my world.

On the agenda for tonight: 1) Finish up module one in the Basic Officer Course 2) Finish map/chart questions which I did not get to yesterday and 3) find any videos on density altitude. Maybe finish entry on Yorktown?

Tailspin

I think I was mistaken that I fell down from paradise into reality. This isn't reality; I feel down some random alternate dimension rabbit-worm hole or something... People are fighting over poultry for godsakes!! This can't be real. I'm having a hard enough time being back here as it is and ALL of you are not making this easier for me. Between the Cluckers and the Pro T-SPLOSTers, I want to run away with my tent (and my animals) and never come back to civilization again. As a person who used to get such a charge out of politics, I'm tired of all the fighting. Guess I was spoiled by one dramamedia-free week. Actually, I think I built an intolerance for it. Before, I mistakenly thought that perhaps it was just a human trait to disagree and argue about things. Now I know it's NOT a natural part of being human, nor should we accept it as such. Now when people start their "You have enough disposable income to fly? Why don't you give that to someone who needs it?", I just walk away. I'm not dealing with that crap anymore and it's not worth arguing about. I think my guiding light needs to be "WWOD?" - "What Would Oshkoshians Do?". Not that I know what they'd do in an argument, as I didn't come across any while I was there.

Another blow came the other day - Merlin thinks aerobatics are a mistake right after getting my license. He thinks one should get instrument and commercial out of the way first. Considering that was perhaps only of the only reasons that got me on the road back to Atlanta. (Arg, started to type "home" and it didn't sound right anymore...so I erased it and wrote "Atlanta". - sigh-) I knew I wasn't getting any book studying done while I was up there, so I knew I had to return to push the pedal to the metal to get my license. Aerobatics was propelling me to work harder and finish (plus for the fact that I hated telling everyone "not yet" all week at Oshkosh when they asked if I had soloed or had gotten my license yet).

But I'm not totally blinded by my love for aerobatics and I'm only a baby pilot, so maybe Merlin knew something I didn't. The aerobatic guys told me the best time was right after my private pilot checkride, so why would Merlin think differently? He's already corrected a few things that the last flight school told me incorrectly, so maybe it's worth getting his insight. After all, if I'm going to do this, I'll need his help. But all he said was that "no CFI would want his name in your logbook if you do aero before IFR and COM". He said everyone had their own agenda, which I guess is why the aerobatic pilots told me what they did. He mentioned something about risk management, which I totally get. I'm still fairly new to all this stuff compared to everyone else. If something isn't safe or you don't think I'll be safe doing it, TELL ME!!! I'd much rather prefer someone temporarily disappointing me with:

"Look, I know you are excited by this but you need to slow down or you'll get hurt. I don't think it's a good idea and you'll be much better prepared by doing XYZ. I'd much rather you be safe than anything else. I'm sorry because I know how much this means to you. You'll get there, but I don't feel that a few months from now is the best time" (which I'm halfway convinced he meant)

Rather than: "Maybe Greg Koontz can do your PPL for you?" (which he said). All of this was typed in a message over FB, so I don't know if it was joking around or what... I hate not having tone of voice in messages, so maybe I'll talking to him in person and see.

After that, I had to go to a Braves game with my students. I spent a good portion of the night seriously thinking about if I could survive Wisconsin's winters. It doesn't help it's everywhere I look - Madison, Oshkosh, Wisconsin... This can't be normal.

The only thing that keeps my feet planted now is "It's not like that 51 weeks out of the year, it's not like that 51 weeks out of the year". I've felt the urge to bolt at least a half dozen times in the last week. I thought maybe CAP on Thursday would help knocking me out of this mood, as I normally look forward to it all week. Nope, nada. Just more people nitpicking at one another about politics...and I was once again looked at as a female baby pilot.

Do you know what I didn't realize until I got home? Differences were embraced, not pointed out. Not once did I get "But you are female" or "You are so young!" or "You are just a student pilot". My gender, age and status were never mentioned. It didn't matter. A few times, I'd say "But I'm just a student pilot" and it was waved off. The responses I got in return? "I keep forgetting you are a student" or "But you will be one of us". I'm not kidding when I tell you that I liked hanging out with the aerobatic pilots and the homebuilders because they treated me like one of them. They were all guys and all older than me, and those facts never crossed my mind the whole week. You know how much I love the CAP, but it's still very much a boys' club. Of course we have ranks and everything, so there's a chain of command and whatnot, but I don't like so much being *just* a student pilot again. It's like how I was treated at the flight school - "You are a new pilot, so you don't know what you are talking about. Trust us; we know what's best for you". I really resent that. Sure I may be new and I don't doubt other more seasoned pilots know a lot more than I do. But I read alot and I do know what I want. Give me advice, help me reach a more informed decision. Don't tell me I'm flat out wrong and you know what's best for me. I don't react to that type of treatment very well. Or getting called "groupie" in front of everyone else, like it was something to be ashamed of, like I wasn't actually serious about all of this. I've mentioned before, that yes, I AM an air show groupie and I'm quite proud of it. There's no reason to be ashamed of it.. But to be dismissive of that and look down on me a bit because of it is uncalled for. I know by now that I'm an unusual student pilot and if I just so happen to be an air show groupie on top of it all, then perhaps it's not such a bad thing. Again, too much is focused on our differences... and not nearly enough attention is given to what makes us alike.

Bottom line? Cluckers, T-SPLOSTers and Members of the Pilot Boys' Club: I'm having a hard enough time re-adjusting as it is, please stop trying to chase me off. I have wings (in a manner of speaking...) and I'm not afraid to use them. Oshkoshians: I need to hear from you, even if it's just a "hi!". I miss you... ALL of you, and perhaps hearing from you just might help me to feel better.

Okay, enough ranting. Dunno if I feel better or not. :/

Agenda for today - Basic Officer Training started for the CAP on Thursday, so I'm planning on getting 5 sections done today (it says they take 30 minutes per section, but I get through them quicker than that. Usually each section is 8-11 pages of reading, but a 10 question quiz that I could probably pass without reading. It's still fun anyways).

Also need to finish my questions from the chapter on reading charts and read the new chapter on Airspace. That will go perfectly with the videos I'm currently on. I stopped halfway through to prepare for my trip and the information is currently fuzzy at best. Did I mention I'd like to take my test Sept 1st or Sept 8th? I just want to get through a few more before I feel comfortable scheduling the test.

You know, I really have no idea if I can get all of this done by November or not. I'm not questioning faith or ability or anything like that. It's just a short amount of time. All I know is that if I AM going to make it, then I have to work really, really hard to do so. That much I do know. So that is what I'll do.

Anyways, R2 and I are going to see Batman tonight! She knew I wanted to see it too, so she waited until I got back. <3! She's also the first friend I'm seeing upon my return, so maybe that will help me a little too. All other crap aside, I'm lucky to have such good friends.
So if I need to get to studying if I'm going to make the movie tonight! Promise, promise, promise I'll update about Yorktown and Oshkosh soon!!

Cinderella After Midnight

On the studying agenda for tonight was finishing up questions from the chapter on airports and then just finished reading a chapter on aeronautical charts. I think I'm going to save the questions for tomorrow night, possibly. However, CAP's Basic Officer Course also begins tomorrow, as well as the CAP meeting, so we'll see how it goes getting the questions finished. I looked over them and started answering them in my head, although I prefer to break up the readings and questions for the same chapter because it seems to help all of the info stick in my head better that way. Geez I've got a lot of work to do... :/

My pilot buddies say the written test is pretty easy with just a little bit of study. Plus, it should be easier for me because I'm smart and because of my enthusiasm towards aviation. I know all of that is supposed to be complimentary, but at times it makes me feel only more frustrated. All of these pilots keep telling me this, yet I'm studying my butt off and progress is slow. Easy, my aileron. My friends tell me that I make all of this look easy, too, but trust me, it's not.

Anyways, the title of today's entry describes my current emotional state. Re-adjusting to life after Oshkosh is difficult. The clock struck 12, my white horses turned back into mice, and my carriage turned back into a pumpkin. I don't want to be here and I don't feel like I fit in my world anymore. Never anticipated that this could possibly happen. I feel almost homesick, if one could feel homesick for a place they only lived in for a week. It was paradise to me, and not only because of the airplanes - it was the people, too. I don't know if it was Wisconsin or just people coming together for their love of aviation, but I've never seen a huge group of people get along so well. While I was there, someone told me they reached record numbers - a million people supposedly walked through that gate this year. A million people. With one common interest. I met people from all around the world and the United States. I met fellow student pilots, aerobatic pilots, helicopter pilots, aviation enthusiasts, CFI's, and homebuilders. No one was better than anyone else. Sure, we had the good-natured ribbing between the rotors and fixed wing, but it wasn't serious. I'm just a student pilot, yet the homebuilders and aerobatic pilots treated me like one of them. None of this "But you are a girl" nonsense. People respected each other, no matter their background. They said "hi" when you walked past them. Strangers were treated like life-long friends and family. If there was trash on the ground, someone picked it up. Surely we must have had different viewpoints/opinions, but for that one week, it didn't matter. We bonded over something we all had in common, rather than focusing on our differences and ripping each other apart.

Yesterday in Georgia, we had a vote on T-SPLOST, which is basically asking for more money to repair the roads. It was shot down by a landslide. Why? Mostly because we have no money and people are tired of the government asking for more when they squander it. My co-workers were upset because they said we desperately needed better roads and a better transit system and it was a shame people voted it down. MARTA (our "transit system") sucks and throwing money at it won't help it. So anyways, the co-workers blamed the Tea Party ("The Party of No") for T-SPLOST failing. In that moment, I wanted to return to my week of harmony. Perhaps it's just that one event. Maybe the other 51 weeks out of the year, it's not like that. At least that's what I keep telling myself and it keeps me from running back there. I still haven't taken off my bracelet yet. I can't bring myself to do it and frankly, I don't want to. I'm holding onto that Oshkoshian Spirit for as long as I can.

I've decided that if I can't be in paradise, then I was going to work really hard to make my reality as close to paradise as I could.