I've been training and studying like a demon lately and it's been going pretty well. Even considering my computer died at home (motherboard went out) and I've got a little chest cold, complete with cough and laryngitis. Pretty good to stay on top of everything (studying & physical training), especially with losing a computer and not feeling 100%. On a related note, if updates are more sparse than normal, lack of computer is why. I hope to have that remedied this weekend though (can't live w/o my computer!).
Merlin and I had 3 hr ground school study session together Saturday evening. Overall, I'd say it was productive, for the most part. Still a little mad over some things that were said, but oddly enough, the night before, I had a dream about the whole situation:
I had had enough. In the last two weeks, my car had broken down and my computer had just broken down. There were many days that I just wanted to walk out at work because I was frustrated and even CAP wasn't fun anymore. So I just took off - back to WI. Hopped into the car and didn't look back. Of course my car couldn't handle the journey, so it broke down on the way there. I didn't care - I was going to make it there any way possible, so I got out of the car and walked the rest of the way there.
The sun was rising when I arrived. It was the most beautiful site I had ever seen. I was tired and exhausted, but I had finally made it back to my paradise. I fell to my knees and kissed the ground.
"What are you doing here?", came a voice behind me.
I turned around to see a Mother-type figure, dressed like a Grecian Goddess, shimmering in the sun. I knew instantly she was the Spirit of Oshkosh. Really she might have been WI, Oshkosh and Madison combined, as I called her "Madison". A Goddess-type, in any case. Her tone wasn't accusatory; more one of disbelief. I ran to her and hugged her fiercely, as tears ran down both of our cheeks.
"Don't get me wrong, I AM happy to see you, my daughter, but it is not your time to come back here yet. Why are you here?", she continued as she returned my intense hug.
I began to explain to her how homesick I've been and how everything had been going wrong since I returned to Atlanta. My home - my true home- was Oshkosh and I was never leaving again.
She took my face in her hands and looked deeply into my eyes. "I know how hard it is to miss someone you love; I've missed you for 30 years", she smiled sadly. "But you know that your place is in Atlanta, not here. I wouldn't have sent you back if I didn't think you could handle it. You must go back."
I shook my head like a little kid about to have a tantrum and said "No! I won't go back. My place is here, with you", and I started to cry. I stopped mid-sob and remembered something, which made me smile triumphantly. "Besides, I can't go back. My car broke down on the way here."
She smiled sadly. "I've already called for someone to take you home".
My mouth dropped open, searching her eyes... wondering how could she have--?
And that's when I heard the elevator ding behind me. The hair stood up on the back of my neck. We were outside at beautiful Oshkosh Airport, so the ding of an elevator sounded very ominous to me. It shouldn't have had a place there. She gazes towards the elevator and I follow her gaze. The elevator isn't apart of Oshkosh; it's the Death Star. The doors open... and Darth Vader walks out with two of the Emperor's guards.
I turn back to her with horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I WON'T GO WITH HIM!!"
She looks as me with pained eyes, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear in a motherly gesture. "You have to".
Darth walks up closer, but stops a few feet away still keeping his distance. He watches the whole scene impassively and doesn't say a word. The sound of his breathing is the only sound.
"BUT HE HATES ME!!!", I scream. Then giving him the most deadly glare I can muster, my voice falls to a whisper as I continue talking to the spirit, while looking at him, "And he hates you". I want her to realize the person he really is. Darth doesn't react at all and just continues breathing evenly, as though we both know who is going to win this battle.
Madison only laughs and hugs me, "My dear, you confuse hate with jealousy. He doesn't hate either of us". In true mother fashion, she turns my face around gently to look into my eyes. "No one who hates you would come all this way just to take you back home."
I looked out of the corner of my eye to gauge his reaction. Nothing. I looked back as Madison continued: "He is my child too, just like you, and that makes him your brother. Believe me, I wouldn't send you back with him if it wasn't what was best for you. "
She hugged me tightly once again, whispering "Time to go". I nodded and the tears started to flow again. She looked over the top of my head, directly at Darth as she hugged me and said, "This girl is very, very precious to me. Watch over her."
He nodded once without a word and turned in one quick movement to walk back to the elevator. He didn't hold out his hand to me or even look back to see if I was following. Madison released me and I fell in step on his left side.
~*~
I think this dream comes from a friend relating my aviation life to Star Wars. In any case, it helped a little and I was able to go to the study session with a smile on my face. It helped me understand my waking like a little bit better and helped me see it from a different POV - "evil" DV goes a long distance to bring back his sister who ran away, dispite being all "tough love" and stuff... and she's being a whiny brat, refusing to go back with him. It must have hurt even though he might not have reacted to the conversation, but it didn't mean he wasn't listening and it didn't affect him. Maybe DV isn't "evil"; just misunderstood.
On a semi-related note, being a Star Wars fan my entire life, it just now occurred to me that DV and Luke were both pilots. LOL
The following night after I had the dream, I swore I heard DV's breathing as I fell to sleep. It was strangely comforting and unnerving at the same time.
So far this week, I've completed a section in my textbook each night! Booyah! I'm feeling sooo warm fuzzy by everything I've been accomplishing lately and am on top of the world! Onwards and upwards!!
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