Creating Lift

Reconnecting with friends this weekend really helped. Turns out R2 had once gone through exactly what I'm going through. She emphasized that the paradise in my head does not exist now and I need to keep remembering that. Just before I left to meet her for dinner, I was looking at apartments in Madison, which made me think I was loosing my mind. Had to remind myself that I would not survive -20 below F temps in the winter. R2 said it just takes time and I'll re-adjust. Frankly, I'm not sure I want to re-adjust, but I'm less likely to drop everything and run away.

It is hard when I see something that reminds me of it... which is multiple times a day. It just hurts so bad to see things that remind me of it. For now, I guess I'll have to make due with visiting Oshkosh in my dreams at night and keeping the Spirit of Oshkosh in my heart during the day while I'm awake.

I joked with R2 at dinner about still having my Airventure bracelet on and about how I should probably take it off if I want to heal. She said maybe, but also maybe tie to a goal or accomplishment and that'll make it easier to take off because it'll be celebratory, rather than a sad event. So I think I'm going to keep it on until I solo... or until it falls off. That's a pretty good goal, I think. :)

In other news, having coffee with Merlin tomorrow night to discuss a game plan for getting this all accomplished, so we'll have to see where that goes. Wish me luck! (cuz I'm gonna need it...) In true pilot fashion, I am two steps ahead no matter what the outcome may be. When asked how I was going to get up to Oshkosh, my answer was "By any way possible" when I didn't know how I was going to go about doing that. My answer is the same for getting my pilot's license. I want to get it this year, aerobatics or no aerobatics. And how am I going to do that? By any way possible. I'm a little afraid because I can anticipate of which direction its going to go, but goals mean everything to me and I'll follow them to the ends of the Earth, no matter which direction they take me.

I'm wavering on attending the CAP meeting this week. Last week left such a bad taste in my mouth and maybe I need some space so I don't end up hating it completely. I had no idea how the magnitude of Oshkosh would impact my life. I'd do it all again (and plan to do it all again), but it's been such a earthquake on my world.

On the agenda for tonight: 1) Finish up module one in the Basic Officer Course 2) Finish map/chart questions which I did not get to yesterday and 3) find any videos on density altitude. Maybe finish entry on Yorktown?