Tailspin

I think I was mistaken that I fell down from paradise into reality. This isn't reality; I feel down some random alternate dimension rabbit-worm hole or something... People are fighting over poultry for godsakes!! This can't be real. I'm having a hard enough time being back here as it is and ALL of you are not making this easier for me. Between the Cluckers and the Pro T-SPLOSTers, I want to run away with my tent (and my animals) and never come back to civilization again. As a person who used to get such a charge out of politics, I'm tired of all the fighting. Guess I was spoiled by one dramamedia-free week. Actually, I think I built an intolerance for it. Before, I mistakenly thought that perhaps it was just a human trait to disagree and argue about things. Now I know it's NOT a natural part of being human, nor should we accept it as such. Now when people start their "You have enough disposable income to fly? Why don't you give that to someone who needs it?", I just walk away. I'm not dealing with that crap anymore and it's not worth arguing about. I think my guiding light needs to be "WWOD?" - "What Would Oshkoshians Do?". Not that I know what they'd do in an argument, as I didn't come across any while I was there.

Another blow came the other day - Merlin thinks aerobatics are a mistake right after getting my license. He thinks one should get instrument and commercial out of the way first. Considering that was perhaps only of the only reasons that got me on the road back to Atlanta. (Arg, started to type "home" and it didn't sound right anymore...so I erased it and wrote "Atlanta". - sigh-) I knew I wasn't getting any book studying done while I was up there, so I knew I had to return to push the pedal to the metal to get my license. Aerobatics was propelling me to work harder and finish (plus for the fact that I hated telling everyone "not yet" all week at Oshkosh when they asked if I had soloed or had gotten my license yet).

But I'm not totally blinded by my love for aerobatics and I'm only a baby pilot, so maybe Merlin knew something I didn't. The aerobatic guys told me the best time was right after my private pilot checkride, so why would Merlin think differently? He's already corrected a few things that the last flight school told me incorrectly, so maybe it's worth getting his insight. After all, if I'm going to do this, I'll need his help. But all he said was that "no CFI would want his name in your logbook if you do aero before IFR and COM". He said everyone had their own agenda, which I guess is why the aerobatic pilots told me what they did. He mentioned something about risk management, which I totally get. I'm still fairly new to all this stuff compared to everyone else. If something isn't safe or you don't think I'll be safe doing it, TELL ME!!! I'd much rather prefer someone temporarily disappointing me with:

"Look, I know you are excited by this but you need to slow down or you'll get hurt. I don't think it's a good idea and you'll be much better prepared by doing XYZ. I'd much rather you be safe than anything else. I'm sorry because I know how much this means to you. You'll get there, but I don't feel that a few months from now is the best time" (which I'm halfway convinced he meant)

Rather than: "Maybe Greg Koontz can do your PPL for you?" (which he said). All of this was typed in a message over FB, so I don't know if it was joking around or what... I hate not having tone of voice in messages, so maybe I'll talking to him in person and see.

After that, I had to go to a Braves game with my students. I spent a good portion of the night seriously thinking about if I could survive Wisconsin's winters. It doesn't help it's everywhere I look - Madison, Oshkosh, Wisconsin... This can't be normal.

The only thing that keeps my feet planted now is "It's not like that 51 weeks out of the year, it's not like that 51 weeks out of the year". I've felt the urge to bolt at least a half dozen times in the last week. I thought maybe CAP on Thursday would help knocking me out of this mood, as I normally look forward to it all week. Nope, nada. Just more people nitpicking at one another about politics...and I was once again looked at as a female baby pilot.

Do you know what I didn't realize until I got home? Differences were embraced, not pointed out. Not once did I get "But you are female" or "You are so young!" or "You are just a student pilot". My gender, age and status were never mentioned. It didn't matter. A few times, I'd say "But I'm just a student pilot" and it was waved off. The responses I got in return? "I keep forgetting you are a student" or "But you will be one of us". I'm not kidding when I tell you that I liked hanging out with the aerobatic pilots and the homebuilders because they treated me like one of them. They were all guys and all older than me, and those facts never crossed my mind the whole week. You know how much I love the CAP, but it's still very much a boys' club. Of course we have ranks and everything, so there's a chain of command and whatnot, but I don't like so much being *just* a student pilot again. It's like how I was treated at the flight school - "You are a new pilot, so you don't know what you are talking about. Trust us; we know what's best for you". I really resent that. Sure I may be new and I don't doubt other more seasoned pilots know a lot more than I do. But I read alot and I do know what I want. Give me advice, help me reach a more informed decision. Don't tell me I'm flat out wrong and you know what's best for me. I don't react to that type of treatment very well. Or getting called "groupie" in front of everyone else, like it was something to be ashamed of, like I wasn't actually serious about all of this. I've mentioned before, that yes, I AM an air show groupie and I'm quite proud of it. There's no reason to be ashamed of it.. But to be dismissive of that and look down on me a bit because of it is uncalled for. I know by now that I'm an unusual student pilot and if I just so happen to be an air show groupie on top of it all, then perhaps it's not such a bad thing. Again, too much is focused on our differences... and not nearly enough attention is given to what makes us alike.

Bottom line? Cluckers, T-SPLOSTers and Members of the Pilot Boys' Club: I'm having a hard enough time re-adjusting as it is, please stop trying to chase me off. I have wings (in a manner of speaking...) and I'm not afraid to use them. Oshkoshians: I need to hear from you, even if it's just a "hi!". I miss you... ALL of you, and perhaps hearing from you just might help me to feel better.

Okay, enough ranting. Dunno if I feel better or not. :/

Agenda for today - Basic Officer Training started for the CAP on Thursday, so I'm planning on getting 5 sections done today (it says they take 30 minutes per section, but I get through them quicker than that. Usually each section is 8-11 pages of reading, but a 10 question quiz that I could probably pass without reading. It's still fun anyways).

Also need to finish my questions from the chapter on reading charts and read the new chapter on Airspace. That will go perfectly with the videos I'm currently on. I stopped halfway through to prepare for my trip and the information is currently fuzzy at best. Did I mention I'd like to take my test Sept 1st or Sept 8th? I just want to get through a few more before I feel comfortable scheduling the test.

You know, I really have no idea if I can get all of this done by November or not. I'm not questioning faith or ability or anything like that. It's just a short amount of time. All I know is that if I AM going to make it, then I have to work really, really hard to do so. That much I do know. So that is what I'll do.

Anyways, R2 and I are going to see Batman tonight! She knew I wanted to see it too, so she waited until I got back. <3! She's also the first friend I'm seeing upon my return, so maybe that will help me a little too. All other crap aside, I'm lucky to have such good friends.
So if I need to get to studying if I'm going to make the movie tonight! Promise, promise, promise I'll update about Yorktown and Oshkosh soon!!