Talked with my buddy RJ tonight - he's the one considering leaving the squadron for the other one I'm visiting in a couple of weeks. He's in the same boat I am ... or as he says, he was until this past weekend. He's fed up with Merlin, but Merlin hasn't been quite as much of an ass to him.
Merlin's and my email flame war continued until this morning and only stopped after I wrote back, "Sorry, but I'm not going to fight or argue anymore; this is stupid and even stupider through email". He hasn't replied since then.
I was quite moody all day. It's funny (not in a ha-ha sort of way, just ironic) that I avoid romantic relationships because of the ups-and-downs, the pain that comes with it and the messy breakup at the end. This feels like a messy break-up to me. I was in a "relationship" and didn't even know it.
RJ spent today with him and Merlin was asking him all sorts of weird questions, like "have you ever felt in danger around me? Have I ever done anything like that to you?". I laughed and said how in our email flame war, I had told him that I no longer trusted him. He shot back with "Why not, I have a flawless safety record". Dude, a flawless safety record doesn't build trust. RJ said it was well-deserved that I fired back that hard in an email to him and also told him he was part to blame for the problems in the squadron/the incident at the air show two weeks ago.
After I went into more depth, he gasped, "He used you". Yeah... that's what I've been saying. Everyone else too. Merlin denied it in the email, saying how I came forward on my own volition. Yeah, and no one set up the incident to happen - THAT part was an accident. And I did contact higher ups about it, which was what I should have done. But to you, it was serendipitous because it furthered your own agenda. He had been trying to get the commander out all along and what happened to me only pushed it along faster. I told him I was hurt by it, but didn't blame him - as a pilot, you have to do what is best for you being the PIC (pilot in command) and all. I'm aggressive like that towards aviation. I maybe won't throw someone under the bus to get there, but I will get there at all costs. I will do what's best for me to get there.
You know I'm beginning to learn? At first, being the only young female redheaded student in rooms full of older male pilots helped me stick out...in a good way. They were drawn to me and were more than willing to give me all the helped I needed. That's how I ended up with most of the sky brothers I have and during all of this, they have had my back and have assured me they won't let me fall or fail. They constantly compliment me (sometimes too much!) and tell me what a great pilot I am or will be. However, there's another side to all of this - I stick out so much that others who want to hold me down are attracted to me too. Instructors like Harpy and Merlin. They are the people that my sky brothers warn me about. So sticking out in aviation has its advantages and disadvantages.
In study news, I was learning about how to use a flight computer tonight. It looks sooo complicated (just like everything else in aviation)! But it's sooo easy to use and kind of a nifty tool, too! Plus, I'm using the one my mom had when she was training to be a pilot, so it's extra special. :) Trying to figure out the wind calculations has me a little off-course... but I'll figure it out.
Not quite through chapter 13 in the videos, but almost there. Maybe with a little extra push, I'll be able to get through the rest of 13 and 14 tomorrow night! I know this isn't a race and it's okay if I'm not finished by Saturday, but I'm still going to try.
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